Shake it off!: Build Emotional Strength for Daily Happiness by Rafael Santandreu

Author:Rafael Santandreu [Santandreu, Rafael]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Self Help
ISBN: 9781398802988
Publisher: Arcturus Digital Limited
Published: 2020-06-09T16:14:21+00:00

EMBARRASSMENT IS NOT LETHAL

Making a fool of oneself is a rather unpleasant experience, but it is not the end of the world. It leaves no physical after effects such as blindness or the loss of a limb! It is certainly not as bad as we usually tell ourselves.

If we lose our fear of the actual fact of being embarrassed, we will realize that the ridicule is often worthwhile if we obtain some benefit in exchange. Raising our hand in class to ask a question may give us a few qualms, but it is worth it and the butterflies in our tummy quickly cease their fluttering. When asking someone on a date we may be overcome by a sudden nervousness, but if they accept… wow!

Some psychologists assign behavioural homework tasks to teach the lesson that embarrassment does not kill anybody. The aim of such assignments is for patients to experience the feeling of ridicule time and time again until they get used to it.

The idea is for them to expose themselves to it gradually. Albert Ellis, the father of cognitive psychology, suggested that his patients ask for money in the street. For example, asking for one euro from 20 different strangers, every day for a whole week. For very shy people, ‘begging’ is quite difficult.

The next embarrassment-busting task could be to catch a tube train and announce each station aloud when the train stops there. The other travellers will think you’re mad and it is usually quite embarrassing!

Lastly, I remember one of the more advanced exercises that Ellis suggested, which consisted of tying a banana to a leash and taking it for a walk, as if it were a dog.

The purpose of all these exercises is to make us lose our fear of embarrassment by exposing ourselves to it over and over again and realizing that, after having made a fool of ourselves, life goes on just the same. Another classic alternative for getting over shyness is to enrol for an acting course. The discipline of acting before an audience also helps to curb our fear of ridicule.

All these strategies are effective to a certain extent, but I do not recommend them. I think it is more effective and less traumatic to retrain our thoughts so that we realize that feeling a bit embarrassed is of no consequence. That is, it is better to work at the mental (or cognitive) level than the behavioural level. In the last chapter of this book, I will explain more fully the difference between the cognitive approach and the behavioural approach.

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