Reunited by Anais Nin

Author:Anais Nin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: literature, relationships, arts, biography, diaries, women authors, correspondence
Publisher: Sky Blue Press LLC

[March 1934]

27, rue Henri-Heine, Paris, 16e

[From the French]

Papacito Darling:

This is the first day since you left, and I still have “eyes” and something in my head for a letter. You know how much a book burns your eyes and empties your head! But I think of you and rejoice every time a telegram arrives, and Maruca and I talk about you tirelessly. And besides, I do not want you to have letters that need answering. Just quiet news that you can read a little like a lullaby when you are tired.

I just returned from the Bois where I walked with Joaquinito. He is preparing to go to Cannes for two weeks, invited by Godoy. It will do him great good. He is tired and a little jaundiced. Gustavo amused us the other day with a vehement tirade on Joaquinito’s “puritanism,” his gravitas, his love of work, his indifference to pleasure, his love of sacrifice, the people who bore him, the thankless tasks, unpleasant occupations. It is also by a sort of sacrifice that he neglects his health, sport, coquetry. An austere nature, indeed, but it may be only a phase of his life. I invented a whole new psychological fabric to bring him closer to you. Knowing the small deviations in the natures of all three of us, our need for exclusivity, our mistrust of love, etc., I am going to make Joaquinito believe that you and I do not “click”—for reasons of music, etc. It will give him an opening. And only then will he dare to go forward.

Do not laugh. As long as Joaquinito believes the “space” in your heart is occupied, he will not budge. I know about this. So I am going to tell him some fairytales, which is not so bad since I already told you that it is mostly a son that you need. A girl is like a long-haired dog—too much fussing! You have to walk her, brush her hair, put ribbons in it, etc. You do not have time! So here I am embarking on a campaign like Mrs. Roosevelt. Propaganda. What things he heard this morning! Fortunately the Bois is full of large cleaning and sweeping machines so all our conversations were drowned. Once Joaquinito is Cannes, he’ll have time to meditate on this new aspect of things, because he and I both need to believe that there’s something to which we can give. So I present him with a void to fill! It may entice him. Otherwise he’ll go somewhere else. He likes the poor, like me, not the rich. He needs us to need him. He thinks you are too rich! This must happen. I still have a lot of hope.

And then, Monsieur, so rich in success, the sentimental communists will be jealous of you! You cling to the affection of all Spain.

What a joy for your mother! How well you did to dedicate these days to her.

Friday we leave your house, to go to Louveciennes for Easter, to rest.

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