Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger by Soraya Chemaly

Author:Soraya Chemaly [Chemaly, Soraya]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: feminism, politics
Publisher: Atria Books
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

1. DEVELOP SELF-AWARENESS

* * *

Anger does not, in and of itself, make you “right.” It is, however, explained feminist writer and thinker Audre Lorde, “loaded with information and energy.” Use it this way. People who understand how they are feeling are able to be patient and thoughtful in anger. They develop a liberating detachment that enables them to decide what solutions will work for the problem they face.

In terms of self-awareness, you can take stock of your default anger settings. Are you expressive or a ruminator? Do you simmer or explode? Do you cry or calmly assert yourself? Are you diverting your anger? Do you even admit to yourself that you are mad about something or at someone close to you? What are you scared to say, even to yourself? You might tend toward getting angry quickly, known as trait anger, or you might be a person who is slower to anger even when provoked, known as state anger.

For some of us, when we are expected to be happy or cheerful or to carry other people’s emotions for them, the first important step is simply the awareness that we have strong negative emotions. Admitting that you are angry—to yourself and to others—can be difficult and destabilizing, but it is urgently important, if only for the way in which it builds and maintains your self-respect and esteem.

The more you know about anger, the less you will be subject to it as a negative force. Experts agree that owning one’s anger—knowing what it is and naming it—enhances relationships and intimacy.

Some people benefit also from finding “their people,” the ones who will understand, listen, empathize and, often, are angered by the same issues or problems. Even if you can’t act immediately on how you feel, simply talking about anger is beneficial; other people often see solutions and alternatives that you don’t. Sharing is important for specific reasons. Naming, writing, and talking, known as affect labelling, is different from simply venting the way you might, for example, by throwing plates. Naming, talking, and writing, are beneficial because they actually interfere with the neurological mechanics causing anger or anxiety. They constitute a kind of anger mindfulness.

Talking constructively also means listening, which serves the dual purpose of your being able to better understand other people’s anger, which makes it less threatening and less of a risk. If it doesn’t, that, too, is valuable information. If you find you are crying and silent but seething inside, what circumstances are leading to your feelings of powerlessness? Are you scared of someone else’s anger? What is the real risk? Write it down, think it over, and, when you have time, talk about it openly. An adult relationship that can’t withstand your saying you feel angry is probably not a healthy one and, if that pattern is sustained, probably not worth continuing.

The key is not to use communication to catastrophize and ruminate, both of which contribute to lasting, corrosive anger, but to achieve recognition and change, if possible. Anger that anchors you in place is not helpful.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.