On the Outside by Siera Maley

Author:Siera Maley [Maley, Siera]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi, azw3
Published: 2015-09-08T18:30:00+00:00

***

Nicole was up watching a movie in the living room by the time I got back, and I changed into my pajamas and joined her, plopping down next to her and stealing a handful of popcorn from the bowl in her lap. She acknowledged me with a glance and a soft smile.

“Have fun?”

“Tons,” I deadpanned, regretting joining her when I felt tears prick at the corners of my eyes. I didn’t know what to think or what to feel anymore. As much as I didn’t want to believe it, I was pretty sure that Evan was being so possessive of Riley again because he was worried that I liked girls, and I was also pretty sure that whatever I’d felt with Riley in the pool had at least been partially mutual. But the idea of acknowledging that I’d felt something was about as palatable as slicing off one of my toes. Evan and Riley were complicated enough. The last thing I needed in my life was to be part of a love triangle.

“I think it’s just puppy love. It’ll fade,” Nicole advised me, and it took me a moment to realize she was talking about Evan and Riley. “We both remember our first big crushes. You clearer than me, given that yours is fresher.” She smirked at me. “The butterflies, the tingling, the little gasp-y feeling you get when you first see him. I’d have done anything just to see Cody Juergens smile at me. I was obsessed with him for six months before we finally dated. I mean, it was ninth grade, but still.”

I sat in silence, knees pulled up to my chest and my head tilted back to rest against the couch cushion behind me. I stared at our ceiling as the light from the TV tinted it different colors, trying to remember how I’d felt about Josh my sophomore year. What Nicole had said rang true. The butterflies, the tingles… it’d all been there. I’d been sure before that I’d been in love, but now I wasn’t as confident.

“Have you ever been in love?” I asked her. “Like, real love?”

“Not unless you think that what I felt in ninth grade was love,” said Nicole with a laugh. “Because that’s about as good as it’s gotten for me.”

“Something tells me that’s not real love,” I decided. “I don’t think that’s how it feels. Maybe at first, I guess, but not once you’ve really gotten there and you’re actually in love.”

“Hmm.” Nicole tossed a piece of popcorn into her mouth and asked, non-committedly, “What do you think it feels like, then?”

“Not sure.” I paused and closed my eyes. I could remember feeling butterflies with Josh early on, and for a long time afterward. Maybe they’d never really faded. Maybe that was because I’d never truly grown accustomed to being with him. Even when we’d broken up, he’d still felt new and unfamiliar.

But he hadn’t been the first person I’d felt butterflies for. He hadn’t been the first person I’d seen and immediately knew I wanted to be around.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.