Negotiating the Self by Evans Kate;

Author:Evans, Kate;
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Taylor & Francis Group

The secret was out, and Dawn’s brother and sister joined her mother in turning against her or against lesbianism. Telling Dawn’s secret gave her parents power over her through controlling the public-izing of her lesbianism.

For three years Dawn lived with her partner, maintaining a family connection through her grandmother. Her parents did invite Dawn to family events, but they wanted her to attend without her partner:

Kate: So you lived in [town] for three years, with this woman. And were you in contact with your family during that time?

Dawn: No. Since they refused to meet her, on the basis that she was a lesbian and they didn’t want to be around lesbians, I refused to come to anyplace they invited me. So, I kind of took the stance that if you’re not going to invite both of us, don’t invite any of us.

Kate: So did you not then see your family for three years?

Dawn: Yeah. I saw my grandma. And she would invite us both over for Christmas, or for dinner, and she would come to our house. Not very often, but she would. And she talked to her [Dawn’s partner] on the phone, and she was really supportive of me. And really supportive of my family too. It wasn’t like she was going to pick one side or the other. I don’t know how she did it, but she did a really good job of kind of walking that line between us. That was really good. Yeah, so then I tried for about a year to get to a point with my family that they would meet her, or that they would come to terms with something, I don’t know what—but they wouldn’t. At this point, too, I didn’t contact my other relatives, my aunts, my uncles. I knew they all knew by now, and I just didn’t want to deal with any more of them saying, you know, “See you later.” I just didn’t want to [pause]. So, I figured, you know, they know how to reach me, and if they want, they can call. Which is really—it’s what I could emotionally handle at the moment. But looking back it wasn’t fair to all of them, because a lot of them probably would have been more supportive than I thought they would.

Kate: When you say “emotionally handle”—could you say a little more about that.

Dawn: Just the—not having contact with my parents was really devastating. And my sister. Was really devastating. It was really, really tough. So, and having them say, “We don’t want to have lesbians around in our house. I don’t want to have to face that. You know, I don’t want to be face to face. When I’m at work, I’m at work, I’m paid to be there, but I don’t want it in my house. I don’t want it on my off time. I don’t want it in my social time.” I’m like, hello Mom? Just because this person isn’t coming with me doesn’t mean that I’m not still who I am.

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