MitzvahChic by Gail Anthony Greenberg

Author:Gail Anthony Greenberg
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Published: 2003-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

Overcoming Your Nervousness

It’s normal to be nervous. It’s heroic to give a brief speech anyway. On a day when we ask our child to get up in front of one hundred people and risk embarrassment, it seems only fair that we also venture it ourselves. This section contains suggestions for overcoming moderate nervousness. If you’re extremely anxious and expect that your anxiety may cause you to lose sleep or make it impossible to enjoy your child’s service, certainly you should not plan to give a speech. But read this section anyway, keep an open mind, and see how you feel as you get closer to the event.

Fear of public speaking is one of the all-time top phobias. For some reason, most of us would prefer torture to five minutes in the spotlight. If I had to name the fear, I would guess it’s some combination of not wanting to look or sound like an idiot, not wanting to be vulnerable in public, and being unsure you have, or are worthy of, your friends’ love and support.

The amazing thing about this fear is that we have it even though we’ve seen countless speakers lovingly and sympathetically supported by audiences not even as intimate and supportive as the one that surrounds us at our child’s simcha. These people are your friends; you’re safe with them. They already know and accept you. They’re here for you. Moreover, everyone knows how hard it is to speak from the heart—one-to-one—much less on stage in front of a crowd.

No one’s going to judge the weaknesses in your “performance.” On the contrary, when someone gets up and says something we all feel—like what a miracle it is to love and be loved by a child—that’s when the magic happens. There’s instantly a special feeling in the room; the composition of the air seems to change the way ozone before a thunderstorm makes everything glow.

It’s a sacred moment, a time to look within. So while you may think everyone is focusing on the shakiness in your voice, they’re not paying attention to that. Nervousness is much less noticeable than it feels. And if people do notice, they’re happy for you. Because having a voice that shakes with emotion means that you have loved deeply, one measure of a life well lived.

Preparation Is the Key

If you write a speech that you love, you should be excited about actually reading it on the big day. Notice I said “reading” it—a nervous person should not try to memorize, particularly since a lot of the worry will then center on whether, under pressure, you’re going to be able to remember everything just the way you wrote it. Practice your speech aloud, though obviously not in front of anyone who should hear your words for the first time on the big day.

Write your speech on little index cards you can easily tuck into even a small pocket or purse. Reading from cards also gives you a place to look, so you can forget about how many people are actually sitting there listening.

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