Loving Someone with Anxiety by Kate N Thieda

Author:Kate N Thieda [Thieda, Kate N]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781608826117
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Published: 2013-04-01T04:00:00+00:00

Tool 4: Use Reflective Listening

Because reflective listening involves speaking it may not seem like a listening skill. However, the point here is to echo back what your partner said to indicate that you were listening and be sure you understand. Try not to sound like a parrot, repeating what your partner said word for word; that can be annoying and counterproductive. Like empathy, it takes practice to get right, and you can use it in any conversation to get more comfortable with it.

Anxious partner: I really don’t want to drive to the store to get groceries when it’s dark outside.

What not to say: Driving at night is no big deal. I know you can handle it.

Reflective statement: I remember that you asked me to drive you to the store the other night too, but you didn’t say why. Is this something we need to figure out?

Anxious partner: I hate going to office parties with you. None of the other wives like me.

What not to say: You’re the most beautiful woman there. Everyone loves you!

Reflective statement: I want to make sure I understand what you’ve said. You feel uncomfortable going to office functions with me because you feel like the other women don’t like you.

Anxious partner: I don’t like it when I can’t reach you on your cell phone. I get nervous that something has happened to you.

What not to say: You need to get over it. I’ll call you back when I can.

Reflective statement: You get concerned if I don’t answer my phone when you call.

Anxious partner: It’s hard for me to sleep in the same bed as you. I have nightmares about what happened, and I don’t want to wake you up.

What not to say: I sleep like a rock. You won’t wake me up.

Reflective statement: So you’re worried that if we sleep in the same bed, your nightmares will wake me up too?

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