It Takes More than Love by Brittany Salmon

Author:Brittany Salmon [Salmon, Brittany]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Moody Publishers
Published: 2022-10-15T00:00:00+00:00

HOW IT WILL LOOK

What exactly does this calling look like? I’m glad you asked. We are called to be knowledgeable about schools and churches and sports teams and neighborhoods in our communities. We are called to be intentional about who we invite into our homes and who we spend time with. We can choose where we spend our free time and which cultural events we attend and what relationships we build. We get to choose where we spend our money and, perhaps our greatest resource, our time. And for sake of the welfare and racial identity development of your child, this tier is not optional.

Your child needs racial mirrors not only in the books and toys and voices they listen to, they need racial mirrors that they can touch, see, and talk to. They need to be able to watch and learn from people who look like them and who will have shared lived experiences of being a minority in the United States. And if you’re a BIPOC family adopting a White child, they too need people who look like them who they can know on a real and personal level. Children need to be able to cheer on people who look like them and develop real, genuine relationships with adults and other children of their same ethnicity! The adult transracial adoptees who are leading the way in discussing racial identity have made it very clear that books and toys can only go so far, but nothing compares to the physical presence of people.

And not only that, I would add that they need to see families that look like theirs. Some of our dearest friends are transracial adoptive families. In fact, the people we vacation with, the folks we travel to visit and see, and the friends we hang out with regularly all have families that look like ours. It is helpful to not only have deep and meaningful relationships with monocultural families of our children’s ethnicity in our direct community, but it’s incredibly helpful for our children to not be the only transracial adoptees at our dinner tables. I love that when one of our kids has a birthday party, there are all different types of ethnicities represented, but there are also adoptees (both transracial and same-race adoptees). Even now, our transracially adopted children have a special bond with our friends’ transracially adopted children. There is an understanding and a deep love for one another, as they are going through something unique, but together.

All three tiers of representation are important, but the one that ensures your children have real relationships with people who look like them is the one that matters most. It’s the one that truly helps connect your child to his or her ethnic heritage. The first two tiers are great starts, but the last tier is the one that helps your child create an authentic and sturdy bridge to building a healthy ethnic identity.

Remember, you cannot gift your child a heritage that is not your own, but you can help them build a bridge.

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