I Hear You by Donny Ebenstein

Author:Donny Ebenstein
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: AMACOM Books

There may or may not be objectively “correct” answers to these questions; more than likely the answers would depend almost entirely on the context. But looking for answers would have been a mistake. The problem here was primarily one of communication about expectations. Frances and her direct reports needed to find a way to discuss their expectations with one another and negotiate a constructive working relationship.

Hearing Frances talk about her direct reports and what she thought of their requests for guidance and appreciation made it clear how her own biases were preventing her from having clear, constructive conversations and good working relationships with them.

Frances was an extremely hard worker, perhaps even a workaholic, so she saw anyone who did not work as hard as she did, or in the way she did, as lazy. She struggled to see legitimacy in balancing work and personal life in a way that was different from her own.

Frances craved autonomy and independence, so she viewed her direct reports’ need for guidance as a form of immaturity or lack of initiative. She failed to see that, while individuals’ styles may vary, a request for reasonable guidance was normal, and it was her job as a manager to provide that guidance. Frances was limited to seeing the situation through the lens of her own style.

Frances was uncomfortable getting or giving recognition, which blinded her to other people's needs. This was perhaps the most striking example of how Frances was a prisoner of her biases. Most people would value being given credit for their work; at the very least, they would not loathe being verbally appreciated by their manager. Because of Frances's aversion to being on the receiving end of a public thank-you, she could not imagine a desire for appreciation being legitimate, instead labeling her direct reports “whiners.”

In this case, looking from the outside in required Frances to consider how her own experience and attitudes contributed to the dynamic between her and her subordinates. Frances needed to understand and identify the particular traits that marked her work as an individual contributor, and later as a manager. Frances liked independence and the challenge of working hard, and she preferred to work anonymously, without recognition. If Frances were able to identify these traits in herself, it would be easier for her to see that not every employee was like her. Indeed, many or even most people would want a bit more guidance than Frances. Similarly, anonymity in one's work may not suit everyone.

This realization could allow her to see something that is even more difficult to accept. Perhaps her way is not the best way. While Frances was comfortable with minimal guidance from her managers, it may be inefficient to “reinvent the wheel” every time she encountered a problem. Perhaps Frances would have been able to accomplish just as much in less time, and avoid working until midnight so frequently, if she had occasionally asked for help. And maybe Frances's aversion to accepting praise is a problem. Her

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