I Am America (And So Can You!) by unknow
Author:unknow
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2010-01-01T08:37:26+00:00
H O M O S E X U A L S
AND YETâ¦
The biggest threat facing America todayânext to socialized medicine, the Dyson vacuum cleaner, and the recumbent bicycleâis Gay Marriage. Itâs like the Red Coats, Green Peace, and the Yellow Peril combined. I call it The Lavender Armageddon. And it is the biggest threat facing America today. (See above.)
Now, the Man-Hugger huggers out there are saying, âMary, please! What about They say this. the Iraq War? Surely thatâs a bigger threat than Gay Marriage.â Yes, Iraq is the Central Front in the War on Terror© and Weâre Fighting Them Over There So We Donât Have to Fight Them Over Here.⢠But consider this: who, other than terrorists, wants to destroy our way of life? The Gays. Allowing them to marry would be like strapping on a suicide vest with a matching cummerbund.1
When I married my wife she became Mrs. Stephen Colbert. Likewise, I became Mr. Stephen Colbert. We went from being two autonomous individuals to a team whose sole focus was winning the game of life. By winning, of course, I mean procreation. And we have won! We have procreated. And I mean no disrespect to those readers who have not had children. There is no shame in being a genetic dead end.
Dinosaurs are
extinct and more
popular than ever!
Now marriage involves a lot of sacrifice. For instance, my wife frowns on me having sex with anyone but her. If marriage is suddenly available to everyone, Iâm not sure I want to make those sacrifices. I guess itâs like that wise old joke: I donât want to belong to any club that would have gay people as a member.2
At one time (I believe it was 1952), acceptance of the gay lifestyle was so low that there were exactly two homosexuals in the continental United States. One was male, and one was female, so they never tried to get married. But today tolerance is at a dangerous level, and if it keeps increasing at current rates, everyone will gay marry, and our grandchildrenâs grandchildren may never be born. Or worse.
Theyâll be gay adopted.3
1 Yes, gays, I know: itâs vest or cummerbund. Now do you see my point?
113
2 Hereâs another oldie but goodie: Q: Why did the gay fireman wear red suspenders?
A: He didnât. He wanted his pants to fall down.
3 A quick word about gay children. And by that I mean âchildren of gaysâ rather than âchildren who are gay.â
I donât believe someone can choose to be gay until theyâve experienced either college or The Rocky Horror Picture Show , whichever comes first.
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