His Bundle of Love / the Color of Courage by Patricia Davids

Author:Patricia Davids [Davids, Patricia]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction, Religious, Romance, General
ISBN: 9780373651597
Google: 7KC-nMievQMC
Amazon: 0373651597
Barnesnoble: 0373651597
Publisher: Harlequin
Published: 2013-01-01T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter Seventeen

Caitlin couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, as pain crashed like a tidal wave through her. She didn’t dare turn around. Please, Lord, I’m not strong enough for this.

She kept her eyes down. If Mick had Beth—if she saw her baby girl just once—she’d never be able to leave her again.

She forced her wooden legs to start walking toward the stairs at the end of the hall.

“Running again, Caitlin?” he called after her. “I thought you said you loved her?”

Her feet stopped even as her mind screamed for her to keep going. She tilted her head back to stare at the ceiling. “What do you want from me, Mick?”

“I want answers.”

“I don’t have any.”

“I need to know why you abandoned your child. Why?”

Abruptly, anger at Mick replaced her desire to flee. If he wanted answers, then she’d give him what he wanted to hear.

“Because I couldn’t do it, okay?” she shouted. “You were right all along. I couldn’t take care of her. I couldn’t be a mother. I couldn’t manage because I’m too stupid to learn how to read.”

“You aren’t stupid.” His voice was right behind her.

“I am. You said it yourself. I could have killed her.” Tears slipped unheeded down her cheeks.

She took a deep breath and steadied her voice. “Anyway, she’s better off with you. You’ll give her a good life. A life with a real home and clothes that don’t come from a thrift store. She’ll have all the things I’d never be able to afford.”

“That’s a lie, and you know it. This isn’t about things. I deserve to hear the truth.”

Stunned by the pain in his voice, she spun around. Just as she feared, Beth lay snuggled in the crook of his arm. Caitlin pressed a hand to her lips to hold back a sob.

Her baby. She was so beautiful—more beautiful even than Caitlin remembered, and her heart swelled with painful happiness and pride.

“How could you walk out on her?” he demanded. “How could a mother do that?”

Caitlin closed her eyes. Suddenly, weary beyond words, she knew he wouldn’t go until she admitted the bitter truth.

“I did it for her—to keep her safe. May God forgive me.”

“I don’t understand.”

He didn’t. She had to make him understand. She struggled to find the words. “I hurt her, Mick.”

“I know you didn’t mean to.”

“My mother never meant to hurt me, but she did. So many times! And I forgave her every time. I believed her each time she said she’d change—but she never did. Listening to her say how sorry she was didn’t erase any of the pain. It didn’t ease my hunger when she spent money on dope instead of food. It didn’t make the slaps and punches less painful when I wouldn’t sell drugs for her pimp of a boyfriend. Then one day, I just ran out of forgiveness, and I started to hate her.”

Caitlin raised her face, her gaze drawn to her sweet baby. “I didn’t want that for Beth.”

With her heart in broken pieces, she looked away.

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