Elizabeth Baxter’s Ten Secrets to a Happy Marriage by Karen Kingsbury

Author:Karen Kingsbury
Language: eng
Format: epub

6. BUILD ONE ANOTHER UP

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up … ~1 Thes. 5:11

Compliments are free.

This was something your father and I learned in our early days of marriage, and it’s been a secret to our happiness ever since. Compliment each other easily and often. Make it a challenge to find new ways to encourage your spouse and build them up – not just once in a while, but every day.

The word “compliment” can mean a couple of different things. First it can mean to say nice things to one another. It can also mean saying nice things about your spouse when the two of you are in public together. The result is that your spouse will look better or stronger, kinder or funnier in the eyes of others. This is the skill of using compliments indirectly to build up your spouse.

Earlier I talked about how almost all men have words of affirmation as a primary love language. That’s true. But all people need to be encouraged. Women need to hear how beautiful they are, how proud you are of her, or how you notice her growing spiritually.

Men, if your wife is exercising, dieting, and trying to make healthy life choices, comment positively on that. Tell her how good she looks, how strong and healthy she is – regardless of how fast her progress seems to be going. Tell her how you’re proud of her for taking care of her health.

If she is working on a craft, or on the garden, or with a big project at work, show her that you’ve noticed by saying affirming things about that.

Don’t assume she knows that you’re proud of her. Compliment her and build her up. The main solution to the equation is simple; go back to the basics. Respect her. Nurture her. Always let her know how much you love her and care for her. And never, ever stop pursuing her.

This is how you compliment a woman.

Now, for you girls, remember how desperately your man needs words of affirmation. Men were created to lead. A man has an inherent desire to shepherd and guide others, especially his wife. He wants to be strong and brave and wise. The best way to inspire and support your husband is to encourage him through your words.

Look for categories of compliments for your husband. Find ways to encourage him in his work, his efforts around the house, and his ways of loving you. Thank him and build him up often. As you do, he will work harder and help you more and love you more fully.

Husbands cannot lead if they are not given confidence to do so. It is amazing what little words it takes to make your husband walk a little taller, and stand a little straighter. It doesn’t even have to be much. Things like “I’m so proud of you”, “You’re the best husband ever”, “I love watching you with the kids”, or “You’re such a great dad” go such a long way.

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