Dr. Spock's The School Years by Benjamin Spock M.D

Author:Benjamin Spock, M.D.
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pocket
Published: 2001-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

Can You Raise Children to Make Their Own Decisions?

More and more children, I think, are growing up with a diminished ability to make their own decisions, to get involved in their own projects and hobbies, to make their own plans, for the weekend or for the next summer. They sometimes say, “There’s nothing to do around here” or “What shall I do?” In other words they are more passive than they could be. And this disposition, once it’s well established, is likely to persist. There are a number of possible causes that may operate separately or together. One that I blame particularly is too much television watching (the average amount of time for television watching among American children is twenty-one hours each week!) which turns the energy and resourcefulness that are normal for children into a state of hypnotized paralysis. This is because the programs are so full of unnaturally exciting happenings. I’d say that a half hour or an hour of television per afternoon or evening is plenty.

Another factor that squelches decision-making is when parents overschedule their children with afterschool lessons, from ballet to music, so that there is simply no time left for a child to dream or think up original games, alone or with friends. Another cause, I believe—and some teachers and parents will scold me for saying this—is too much homework, which leaves too little time for the child’s own interests. There are exceptions such as science projects or library research that the child chooses and carries out independently, which provides valuable training in initiative and responsibility. A study made many years ago showed that homework, in the way of more examples of the same sort that were done during school hours, does not lead to greater comprehension or higher grades. Yet some teachers just load it on, in the belief that it’s valuable, or at least that it impresses the children with the importance of the subject. The answer here is for parents who are opposed to too much homework to make their opinions known at P.T.A. meetings and perhaps in a discussion with the principal.

More important than homework is the philosophy of the school system and individual teachers. Do they foster initiative, responsibility, and creativity by giving the children opportunities to practice these virtues at every turn in the day’s work; or do they only teach conformity and passivity by telling the children what to think, what to do, at every step? Here again the answer is vigorous discussion of the aims of education, and of this school in particular, at P.T.A. meetings. It also means electing to the school board candidates who stand for high enough salaries to attract first-rate teachers.

A situation that discourages initiative and decisiveness is when an extraordinarily close relationship develops between a young child, let’s say it’s a boy, and his mother that is overly dependent and overly demanding on his part. He expects a lot from her, partly because she has always lavished a lot of attention on him.

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