Don't Try to Find Me by Holly Brown

Author:Holly Brown
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2015-02-17T16:00:00+00:00

Day 15

Imaginary Facebook

Marley Willits

Needs an imaginary friend

1 second ago

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I NEVER TOLD B. about the redneck with the gun rack. I mean, it’s not like he could have done anything anyway. And I’m not even that scared right now. I just need to stay inside, like B.’s been telling me since the beginning, and it’ll all be okay.

I took a really long bath today. It was nice to have new acoustics. I sang. I told myself stories.

They’re similar to the ones I used to make up with Dr. Michael when we’d play our games. He’d give me the first line, something like “There’s a little girl who’s stronger than she thinks.” Then I’d have to come up with the next, and we’d alternate until the end. The little girl (me, obviously) would go off and have adventures. She’d have to fight enemies or she’d find out her friends were really her enemies; she’d become an orphan or she’d be adopted by a new family. It was a duet. I miss his voice.

Sometimes I can hear it, like he’s right in the room with me. Does that seem psycho? He had a great voice. He believed in me, and not just in my potential, like my parents. He believed in my actual.

No, he didn’t. It was all bullshit. I have to get that through my head.

I found something out, something that is truly crazy: I have my own YouTube channel. People who barely talked to me are lamenting my disappearance and begging me to come back. Trish is saying she wishes we never stopped being friends; she misses me ALL THE TIME. There was a moment of silence for me at a football game.

It was funny, having my life flash before my eyes. All these people sharing their memories of me like I’m dead—you know, only saying the good stuff, leaving out the rest. Wyatt talked about how I “really came through for him,” which I guess was referencing the cheating. How could I ever have been into that guy?

I don’t want B. to know about the YouTube channel or about the search; it would only stress him out. But I saw that Wyatt had posted other videos, ones of him playing his guitar and performing, like, John Mayer songs. It got me thinking about B. and Wyatt, and gave me an idea.

I probably shouldn’t have done it. I’m not supposed to be second-guessing, and things have been going okay. Not perfect, but okay. I shouldn’t have tried to rock the boat, or wake a sleeping dragon, or any of those expressions my dad uses. I just wanted to know if B. really knew Wyatt or if we started out on a lie.

Anyway, back to the YouTube channel, which is just the beginning. My dad has launched this major search operation out of our house. When I Googled myself, the first things that came up weren’t about me at all; they were about him. He’s apparently the world’s greatest dad.

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