Differently Wired by Deborah Reber

Author:Deborah Reber
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Workman Publishing Company
Published: 2018-05-03T22:35:08+00:00

The Problem with Arbitrary Time Lines

One of the things I hear all the time is that kids need to know how to work collaboratively, that being able to navigate small-group situations is a key predictor of future success. In fact, although the most common question I get from non-homeschooling parents is the classic But how will he learn social skills?, I know inquiries about how Asher will master working in a group aren’t far behind.

I admit to having pangs of insecurity when that question comes up. After such an exchange I might even frantically research summer programs where Asher can work on developing those skills, and pronto. This despite the fact that group situations are a recipe for disaster for Ash and have always presented the biggest challenges for him.

A few years ago, I enrolled Asher in an after-school technology class. I knew he was in good hands, as one of the instructors had experience with kids on the spectrum and they were genuinely committed to Asher’s success.

It went well for the first few weeks, but Asher’s behavior began to negatively spiral with each passing class, despite his instructors’ noble attempts to figure out a solution.

I knew it was time to call it quits but let the instructors convince me otherwise. In a thoughtful email, one of the instructors wrote, “Asher’s programming skills are advanced, but he needs to work on his teamwork and communication skills. We don’t recommend that you give him private lessons, as this does not solve the issue or prepare him for the future, where any technology education or career will require teamwork and collaboration skills.” Once again I panicked. If he doesn’t learn how to do this, he will fail! So against my better judgment, I kept him enrolled for another two weeks before realizing it was okay for me to pull him out. Yes, he may need to know how to do that someday, but he doesn’t need to learn this particular lesson right now. And just like that, the anxiety was gone, for Asher and for me.

It’s not easy to know what’s best in situations like these, but I do know that when we push our children to do things they’re truly not ready for, it never ends well. There’s plenty of research showing that pushing kids to master cognitive skills at young ages can actually hurt their later academic performance, not to mention their love of learning.

Pushing children to do more than they’re ready for has the potential to crush their self-worth, result in lost confidence, cripple them with pressure to succeed, and even turn them against whatever we’re trying to get them to learn.

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