Crosshairs by Catherine Hernandez

Author:Catherine Hernandez
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperAvenue
Published: 2020-06-29T00:00:00+00:00

6

I awaken with a sharp inhale of air, Nadine’s name still on my lips. The once-familiar sight of her crown of curls has disappeared, and I see Bahadur asleep on the bed next to mine, frowning through a dream. I creak softly upwards from the mattress and make my way to the window of our room.

My Evan. If you are still in hiding, if you are in a place where real things exist beyond a window, or an underpass, or a set of dark stairs, let me tell you about how beautiful this morning is.

Through the cloudy glass, I can see a heavy fog sitting like risen cream above the wilted crops of long ago. A black bird flies above and below the fog in a lonely game of peekaboo. I wrap my blanket around my body and find myself turning the knob on the cottage door carefully. I actually turn a doorknob, open a door and move my body outside of a room, Evan. I am free, at this moment, to move my body from one place to another. And it feels good. I want to touch the fog myself. I head outside and the black bird flies out of sight. All insects stop their singing in fear of me, and I try to creep quietly among the reeds in the hopes that the insect songs will continue despite my presence. I fail. I can never be quiet enough for them to forgive me. Even the dew on the grass slips into the secret of the deep green as I pass.

In your mind’s eye, take your shoes off with me. Undo the muddy laces and let your feet emerge into the world. Take off your soggy socks. Wipe your feet with me, along the dew of the grass. Feel each cool blade between your liberated toes.

I look at you. You are smiling. You are saying something to me, but your voice is replaced by the sound of rustling woods.

“What did you say, my love?” I ask.

I am alone in the reeds. I hear something stirring in the woods. I follow the sound. I feel foolish, like those people who go into the dark room in horror movies, but I can’t help myself. It’s been so long since I could walk through places and spaces. It feels so good to move my legs. I touch each tree trunk as I make my way into the thick of the bush.

In a clearing of cedar, wading in a pool of fog, stands Beck in his undershirt and pyjama bottoms facing away from me. He holds a long wooden staff and stands at attention like he is about to begin a phrase of martial arts movement. Just as I am crouching down, Bahadur appears beside me. I stifle a scream. Jesus Christ. Bahadur mouths out the word “sorry.” I roll my eyes and hold my heavily beating heart in shock. We slowly shift our focus back to Beck. What the hell is he

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