Coping with BPD: DBT and CBT Skills to Soothe the Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder by Blaise Aguirre & Gillian Galen

Author:Blaise Aguirre & Gillian Galen [Aguirre, Blaise]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781626252202
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Published: 2015-10-31T13:00:00+00:00

The Practice

Many people with BPD find that they morph, acting differently depending on whom they are around. Sometimes these people are referred to as social chameleons. Here is how you address the feeling of not knowing how to act:

Identify your values. Part of beginning to know who you are and how to act is identifying and paying attention to your values. Your values are the guiding principles you live by. They help you navigate life. They are whatever standards you feel are important. Many people do not spend time explicitly thinking about their values; however, your values will help you figure out how to act and what to prioritize. And when you have clear recognition of your values, it becomes easier to see when your behavior would cross your values, since going against your values frequently leads to feelings of guilt and shame.

Identify your goals. Like identifying your values, identifying your goals will help you know how to act. Consider both long- and short-term goals that you have for relationships as well as your life. When you are not sure how to act, ask yourself, “What is my goal?” Then consider if your behavior matches up with that goal. For example, Clara’s goal is to make some new friends; however, in the process she lost the very friend that invited her out. In addition, Clara violated her values around speaking respectfully to those she cares about by taking on the style of communication of the group that she assumed included swearing and being disrespectful.

Ground yourself. When you are anxious or swept up in social situations, the urge to take on other people’s behavior can be very intense. You must ground yourself so that you can connect with your own values and goals. Try these grounding practices for a few minutes as soon as you feel the urge to act differently:

Identify everything in the room that is a certain color. Go through the five senses in a similar way, such as identifying all the sounds you can hear.

Pick a category and identify one thing from that category that begins with each letter of the alphabet. For example, name all the fruits and vegetables you can think of from A to Z.

Eat a sour or spicy candy and mindfully pay attention to the sensations in your mouth. It’s helpful to keep a tin of candy in your purse or pocket for this purpose.

Once you are grounded, review your goals and values. Ask yourself, “How do I need to act in order to behave according to my values and in line with my goals?” Be mindful that these are your values and that you are not temporarily taking on other people’s values in order to fit in or be accepted.

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