Collision with the infinite by Suzanne Segal

Author:Suzanne Segal
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Segal, Suzanne, 1952-, Spiritual life., Sunyata., Depersonalization -- Religious aspects.
Publisher: Blue Dove Press
Published: 1998-02-14T16:00:00+00:00

“Yes,” he responded. “It’s quite common, in fact.”

“Common,” I repeated, shaking my head. “It’s common to feel like you have no personal identity?”

“It’s just uncommon that it’s gone on for so long without ever stopping,” he responded. “But people feel this in short spells quite frequently. I would also like to have you try some anti-anxiety medication to see if it might alleviate some of the symptoms.”

I shook my head. “No thanks. I really don’t like medication. My mother has been taking antidepressants for years, and I don’t like the whole idea of them—especially the way she regards her psychiatrist as some sort of god for having prescribed them.”

“Fair enough,” he said, smiling. “We wouldn’t want that to happen, would we?”

Carl and I launched into our pursuit of the “cure” for the experience of no-self. I would drive to his office once a week and talk about my childhood, my relationships, and my interest in studying psychology. Maybe I was going to find some answers. Maybe the torturous fear would finally go away. Maybe my “I” would really come back if I discovered the underlying reason for its having left.

Inspired by Carl’s complete trust in the healing power of the therapeutic process, I started looking seriously into psychology graduate programs. In the fall of 1986 I enrolled at John F. Kennedy University and began taking classes in their clinical psychology masters program. Carl reminded me often that he had confidence that “I” would return; it was only a matter of time. We both regarded our goal in therapy to be the return of the “I-ness,” an endeavor we pursued together wholeheartedly.

After I had been seeing Carl for about three

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