Change Your Brain, Change Your Life: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Anger, and Impulsiveness by Daniel G. Amen

Author:Daniel G. Amen
Language: eng
Format: mobi, pdf
ISBN: 9780307453334
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2008-06-09T21:00:00+00:00

THE AUTOMATIC NO

Because they have problems shifting attention, many people with cingulate overactivity become stuck on the word no. No seems to be the first word they say, without ever really thinking about whether or not no is even in their best interest. One of my patients told me about his father. Whenever my patient would ask his father for something, such as permission to borrow the car, the father would automatically say no. The children in the family all knew that if they wanted something from their father, he would first say no to them, and then a week or two later he would think about the request and sometimes change his mind. “No” was always his first response.

I have had several employees who clearly had cingulate problems. Frequently they would be uncooperative and find ways not to do what was asked of them. They seemed to frequently argue with requests and tell me why things couldn’t be done, rather than constructively try to solve problems.

When partners have cingulate problems, they often get the opposite of what they want. One man told me that whenever he wanted to make love with his wife, he had to act as if he really didn’t want to make love. He said, “If I would ask her directly, she would say no ninety-nine out of one hundred times. If I would lock our bedroom door at night [a sign that he wanted to be intimate with her], she would automatically become tense and say she wasn’t interested. If I acted uninterested, just rubbed her back for a long time, then maybe I would have a chance. The amount of work and planning it took to make it happen often wasn’t worth the effort.” The “automatic no” puts a great strain on many different types of relationships.

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