Blow Down Boy by Chris Page

Author:Chris Page
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Priest, boy, orphan, abused, Westminster, Abbey, ex-army, mercenary, South African, dead parents, assassinations, Japanese, bomb-maker, revenge, lover, raped, killed, cathedral, catacombs, destruction, Russians, vengeance.
ISBN: 9781785382611
Publisher: Andrews UK Limited 2015
Published: 2015-07-28T00:00:00+00:00

Nineteen

Although Nico was an Anglican vicar and could therefore, under the rules of his Church, marry, or even, if kept under the radar, have a relationship with another male, sexual proximity with a woman or man was a complete no-no for him. As he entered his mid teens, the so-called age of sexual awakening, he ruthlessly ignored his hormonal urges and forced himself into a state of carnal ignorance.

The abuse had mentally and physically neutered him. He was a handsome young man, but if a girl or boy touched him or smiled in any way that could be interpreted as a come-on, he would get into a psychosexual funk and rush off in the opposite direction. By the time he’d got to twenty he’d learned to brush people off with a more sophisticated but benign indifference, but it took a while to master it. ‘God,’ he’d once proclaimed arrogantly to a winsome but inebriated girl student who’d propositioned him in the Theology College bar, ‘is my wife, lover and lifelong companion. I do not need anyone else.’

‘Pompous little shit,’ she’d said, sticking her tongue out and flouncing off.

And she was right: that’s exactly what he was then, a pompous little shit. But she didn’t know about the abuse that had got him there.

All he knew about sex was that it was enormously complex, brutally painful and exacted a high price for failure. He’d never experienced any of the plus points and therefore couldn’t factor them into the argument. If he did try and fail - as he was sure he would - that would leave him trapped in a state of toe-curling embarrassment. How this manic hang-up played out in his own mind and affected his daily life had become, by the time he got to twenty-two, a locked-in secret, his and his alone to contemplate in the light and shade of his adopted mission in life. Close as he was to Ernie, Dave and Harry, this was not a subject he had ever discussed with them. Any gossipy conclusions they’d arrived at they’d come to on their own, and it was guesswork.

There was only one way to play it so far as Father Nico was concerned, and that was a complete and total allegiance to celibacy. Sex was an abhorrent and unnecessary irrelevance, and an impediment to the cause.

Had he been a devout Catholic priest he could have quite happily contained the sins of the flesh as practised by that great faith for centuries, but he wasn’t. He’d found a comfortable enough stance within his own belief system that enabled him to function without it and dedicate all his energies to the cause. Once that decision had been made and his life was freed of the mental need to procreate and satisfy bodily desires, he was free to nurture and respond to the urges that flooded his veins when he imagined those two buildings crashing to the ground.

That was his sex.

***

To get a breath of fresh air and away

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