Beyond a Broken Sky by Suzanne Fortin

Author:Suzanne Fortin [Fortin, Suzanne]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781800243798
Publisher: Head of Zeus

21

Alice

1945

For some reason, Alice hated being upstairs in Telton Hall on her own. There was something about the high-ceilinged rooms with their long Georgian windows which should have an uplifting effect, but they made Alice think of all the young women, like her, who had been here: all with their growing bellies as new life formed inside them; all sent away from home to spend their confinement far from the prying eyes of their villages or towns; all with a sense of shame for what they had allowed to happen – for what they had willingly taken part in. They had all come here to have their babies in secret and to give up their flesh and blood for adoption. In Alice’s mind, the rooms and the hallway echoed with their silent tears; the carpets absorbed their sorrow and the curtains soaked up their despair.

She was due to meet the couple who were going to adopt her baby – the baby, she corrected herself.

‘Don’t look so glum,’ said Lily, coming into the room.

Alice was relieved to see her. ‘I didn’t realise I did,’ she said, sitting down at the dressing table. She picked up her hairbrush.

‘You don’t want to put them off.’ Lily came and stood behind her, taking the hairbrush from Alice’s hand. She began brushing Alice’s hair for her.

‘Don’t I?’

Lily stopped mid-brush. ‘No. No, you don’t.’ She gave a sympathetic smile to Alice’s reflection in the mirror. ‘You want them to feel good about adopting the baby. This couple can give the baby everything you can’t. I don’t mean to be harsh, Alice, please don’t get upset now. I’m just being honest.’

Alice plucked her handkerchief from out of her sleeve and dabbed at her eyes. ‘I know, but I can’t help it.’

‘They are loaded. He’s a doctor in London. This is the best thing you can do for the baby. It’s the ultimate sacrifice a woman can make. You are giving the baby the best chance it is going to get in life.’

Alice nodded. She knew Lily was right – pragmatic as ever. Alice knew it made sense, but the yearning to keep the baby was overpowering. It was a physical ache that Alice didn’t know was possible.

‘Have you ever regretted giving up your baby?’ asked Alice softly.

Lily brushed Alice’s hair vigorously. ‘No. I haven’t.’ She didn’t meet Alice’s gaze for a moment, but then looked up at her friend. ‘I’ve wished I could have kept her. A beautiful little girl with a shock of red curls. She had the longest lashes possible. Tiny little fingers and tiny little fingernails. Her skin was so delicate and translucent. She was just perfect. I know they tell you not to name her, but in my mind, she was called Kathleen. Her dad was Irish. He worked on the travelling fair. He never even knew I was pregnant – had moved on to the next town and the next girl by the time I realised.’ Lily sat down on the edge of the bed, her thumb flicking the bristles of the brush.

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