Better Is Not So Far Away by Melissa Groman

Author:Melissa Groman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: McGraw-Hill Education
Published: 2015-03-03T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 8

Parenting Your Parents

“It’s not always easy being her daughter.”

“I think,” she said, “sometimes it’s hard no

matter whose daughter you are.”

—SARAH DESSEN, Along for the Ride

THIS IS not a “blame your parents” chapter. This is not a “blame yourself” chapter. This is a “your parents are part of the picture and it helps to talk about it” chapter.

My friend Rita has always had a hard time with her father-in-law. He is often harsh, judgmental, and cynical. He raised his kids, including her husband, with a heavy hand and a stern demeanor. He was slow with affection and fast with the belt.

The other day she called to tell me the following story: “You won’t believe it. We just finished Thanksgiving dinner and everyone is pretty much up from the table except the two of us. He turns to me and says, ‘Did ever tell you about the time my father locked me up with the rats?,’ and I am thinking, ‘Huh? I have known this man for twenty-three years, and he has never said anything personal to me. And now, suddenly, he wants to share?’ Please.

“And then he says, ‘Do you remember Uncle Arnie? Well, one day he and my father got into a big fight down at the store, just as I walked in to give my father a message from my ma. No cell phones then. It was up to me to run down the hill to the store whenever my ma needed something. So I walked in and said, ‘Pop.’ That’s all, just ‘Pop.’ Maybe, ‘Hey, Pop.’ And that was it. He was so annoyed at me for interrupting him that he dragged me down to the cellar, locked the door, and turned out the light. I sat there for twenty-six hours in the dark, from three o’clock on Thursday afternoon till five on Friday afternoon, when they finally realized I was missing. I was so bitten up by the rats by then, I had pus coming out of every limb.’

“And then he shakes his head. ‘I think I was about seven or eight at the time.’ Head shake. Honestly, I never in a million years thought I could feel compassion for the guy. But all of a sudden, I understood. I understood that he has a story, too. I’m not excusing him for the way he treats people, but the guy’s got a story.”

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