Am I Lying to Myself? by Jane Greer PhD

Author:Jane Greer PhD
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers
Published: 2022-06-15T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Seven

I‌‌ Thought You Said You Would—Or You Wouldn’t

Wendy could hear it before anyone else, the slight uptick in Ricky’s tone when he got to his third or fourth drink. It was fairly subtle, but it always made Wendy’s stomach begin to churn because she knew what was coming: more drinks, slurred words, eventually an aggressive tone, and after that, who knew? What she did know was that once she heard that slightly higher pitch in his voice there was no going back until he went to sleep for the night and they could start again the next day.

When Wendy and Rick first began dating and then got married the following year, she enjoyed their drinking together. She thought it was so much fun that he would come home from work for what he always called “the cocktail hour,” and he would make a show of blending different drinks or opening a new bottle of wine or sharing a beer he had just discovered. She told all her friends how lucky she felt, like she was in a movie or something. Sometimes, if they drank more than usual, he would get a little rough in bed. She didn’t mind, though. The truth was, she sort of liked it.

The first time Wendy had any awareness that Ricky might have an actual problem with his drinking was one night over a year into their marriage when she had a bad cold. She had been coming down with it for days but pushed through at work and kept up with their usual nightly drinking routine. She was getting worse though, and thought a break made sense. She was sure Ricky would agree. She suggested they skip their cocktail hour that night and just have some chicken soup and ginger ale. At first, Ricky said sure, that made sense to him; but after a little while he got so antsy, walking back and forth from the dining room to the den, not able to settle down to watch the movie Wendy was looking forward to seeing.

“Hell,” he had finally said, making his way over to their makeshift bar. “Just ’cause you don’t want to have a cocktail doesn’t mean I don’t. Am I right?”

She could see him relax as he prepared himself a gin and tonic, and then another, and another. She told herself, yeah, he’s right, just because I feel under the weather doesn’t mean he shouldn’t still partake in our usual routine. When, for the first time, she watched him get drunker and drunker while she remained sober, she told herself, no harm, right? It’s not like he has to drive anywhere. And when they went to bed that night and she was achy and had a stuffy nose and he still insisted on having sex, she told herself, wow he must really love me if he wants to have sex with me when I look like this! I thought for sure my red nose would turn him off. Wendy hadn’t been drinking the gin and tonics along with Ricky, but she sure had her own shot of Denial that night.

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