A Not So Typical Love by Tristen Rowen

Author:Tristen Rowen [Rowen, Tristen]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-01-01T23:00:00+00:00

***

On a hot and humid July afternoon, Mom sat in a chair in a pair of sweatshirts and sweatpants in the backyard of the group home. I wished she wore something else because it was really hot and she seemed to be sweating profusely. Strands of gray hair stuck to the sides of her face. One of Mom's favorite staff members, Betty, sat beside her. An older woman with short white hair, she had worked in the group home since Mom moved in.

"She's in a good mood today," Betty said although you'd never know it by looking at her. Jamie pulled up a couple of chairs so we could sit in front of her.

"If you need anything just let me know," Betty said and walked away.

"Hi Mom," I said. She blinked once, then stared blankly in front of her.

Please say something. Today is the day she'll speak again, I told myself. Please…

"Wanna listen to some music?" I asked as if she'd respond.

Scrolling through my phone, I was unable to make up my mind. So many things were going through my mind today. I settled on Mad World (the original Tears for Fears version) because that song depicted exactly how I felt at the moment. And maybe it wasn't the right place to play that song, but I didn't care; I wanted to hear it.

"I love this song," Jamie said, stroking my back while Mom continued to stare blankly at me as the song played.

Just say something…

The three of us sat there, listening to the music, Jamie's arm around my waist. Never before in my life did I want to get out of there so badly. I hated the fact that I didn't want to even look at my own mother. I was beginning to understand how Tim felt and I didn't like it because she was my mother and I didn't want to hate her or resent her.

"Mom, I have to tell you something," I said. "I'm gay. What do you have to say about that?"

It was the first time I said it out loud. Over the past couple of weeks, I had been thinking about it more and more. My sexual awareness was delayed just like my speech and social skills (which continued to be lacking). I liked gay sex. I liked it a lot. Yeah, I knew I was gay.

I waited a second or two, just hoping Mom would open her mouth to say something, anything.

"Do you even care? No, you don't care about anything," I said.

Not wanting Mom or Jamie to see my tears, I looked away from them. Jamie went to squeeze my arm, but I didn't want anyone touching me. If she could sit in silence, then so could I. Jamie hated silence, so I anticipated him opening his mouth any second to speak. Instead of speaking, he went to pat my back again. I didn't want to be touched, so I shrugged him away. Anger and hurt soared through my veins.

"Fuck you, Mom," I said and got up.

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