Wake Up or Break Up by Leonard Felder

Author:Leonard Felder
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Rodale Inc.
Published: 2015-03-15T00:00:00+00:00

RESOLVING FRUSTRATIONS BEFORE THEY GET UGLY

How long has it been since you and your partner had a highly charged disagreement? A week? A day? Five minutes? Clashes are bound to happen in any relationship. But a strong disagreement between you and your partner may either be the beginning of serious trouble or the start of a wonderful breakthrough that takes your relationship to a deeper level of understanding.

Since this is a book about improving relationships, we need to talk about how to constructively handle being upset. Even in a sensible and well-matched couple, there will be moments when partners get irritated or angry with each other, particularly leading up to the moment of clarity when one or both wake up to the realization that their arguing MO doesn’t always work because it sometimes leaves an unpleasant aftertaste for one or both of you.

In your own relationship, what happens when you or your partner get deeply hurt? Do you sometimes raise your voice and say harsh things you later regret? Does one of you give or get the silent treatment? Do you slam doors, break things, or threaten each other with the intensity of your anger?

I want to assure you that it’s quite normal for two loving people to get on each other’s nerves every so often. It’s okay to have strong disagreements and differing ways of doing things. But if your clashes are frequent or include many hurtful responses that leave a lingering aftertaste, something has to change or the relationship will begin to crumble. It’s crucial to find better ways to resolve these frustrations and painful moments—before it’s too late and one of you shuts down emotionally.

STYLES OF ANGER MANAGEMENT

Just as each human being has unique fingerprints, each of us also has unique and personal ways of dealing with anger. Some people keep it inside. Some people let it out in a controlled way. Some make an effort to keep their anger inside but it oozes out all over the place.

Unfortunately, most of the ways we have developed for expressing or suppressing our anger toward a loved one actually make the situation worse. See if any of the following styles sound like you or someone you know.

THE SMILING PRETENDER

Most people in our society learn to keep their anger and their hurt feelings well-hidden. So instead of appropriately letting your loved one know when you’re upset or irritated about something important, you might smile uncomfortably or pretend to be fine when you’re actually quite peeved. Or if a loved one does something that really gets on your nerves and then asks, “Are you upset with me?” you might deny it and say, “No, I’m not upset. Do I look upset?”

To get an idea of what I mean by a Smiling Pretender, try to recall the character played by Renée Zellweger in the film Jerry Maguire. Nearly every time her career-obsessed and self-absorbed boyfriend (played by Tom Cruise) did something hurtful or insensitive, Zellweger’s character would smile an awkward, uncomfortable smile that made her look like she was on the verge of tears.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.