The Last Resort by Jan Carson

Author:Jan Carson [Carson, Jan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781473594449
Publisher: Transworld

7

Malcolm

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. It was going to be yesterday, then Susan dropped in to see how I was getting on and, well, it was pretty obvious I wasn’t. It was two in the afternoon. I was still in my pyjamas. We had words. Loud words. Arguing in a caravan’s the same as arguing in a tent. Every nosy bugger can hear you. You should’ve seen the look that young fella gave me; the poncey one in the flashy suit. Me and Susan were having a slanging match on the steps when he came out of the green caravan. He looked right down his snobby nose at us. Now, Susan was fairly screaming at that stage, ‘Where is it, Malcolm? You’re reeking of it.’ She didn’t believe it was last night’s drink she’d got a whiff of. I was a different fella now.

Susan never found my stash. You’d think after fifteen years she’d know all my tricks. I’ve my cans hidden under the caravan. I’d every intention of dumping them yesterday. I never did. By the time she left I was gagging. The woman drove me to it. One can led to another. I can’t remember anything after six. But today’s a new day, as they say in the movies. I’m never touching another drop.

I’m off to a tremendous start. Up at eight. Half an hour of Susan’s mindfulness tape. She’s got me into all that New Age shite. It’s supposed to centre me. A sneaky bowl of Coco Pops. Then, a dander along the cliff to get the cobwebs shifted. I see that’s where they’ve dumped the dead girl’s bench. It’s a view and a half, but you wouldn’t want to be up there after you’ve had a few. The whole thing’s sliding and it’s sixty feet down to the beach. Any day now, that empty caravan on the end’ll be going for an impromptu paddle. It wouldn’t take much to move it back. If I was in shape, I’d have a go myself. I’ve shifted bigger: Da’s combine harvester, them boats for Uncle Sammy, our Ellen’s Micra when it got stuck in the ditch.

I can’t lift shit these days. The thing with Lewis has got to me. I’ve let myself go. Susan’s probably right. I have been going a bit hard on the drink. That’s why I’m down here, taking the lend of Marty McClintock’s caravan. They say a change is as good as a rest. This place’ll help me get back on form. If I was on top form I’d be just as big as Lewis, maybe bigger. Granted, I don’t have his good looks. Lewis takes after our ma. I got Da’s ugly bake. But, I’m every bit as strong as him and I scrub up rightly when I make the effort. Decent haircut and a shave. New suit. Susan says I lose two stone in a suit. Wait till you see, I’ll be on the telly before Christmas. I just need to get my head together.

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