The Betrayal of the Body by Alexander Lowen

Author:Alexander Lowen [Lowen M.D., Dr. Alexander]
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Publisher: The Alexander Lowen Foundation
Published: 2012-02-01T00:00:00+00:00

The split in this patient's personality is clearly revealed in her remarks. While she feels better when she eats, her appearance revolts her. It contradicts her ego image of a languid, lovely woman which, however, is only a mannequin, unable to sleep or move its bowels. Her definition of a ghoul was “an organism that lives off other people,” but her description of the ghoul as an organism that eats, sleeps, and defecates suggests that it is also an infant. An infant, of course, lives off its mother when nursing. Could my patient have gotten this feeling of being a ghoul from her infantile experience at the breast?

This patient was a twin born to a small woman who was only eighteen years old at the time. She related that her mother told her that her milk had turned sour very early and “we couldn't get enough to eat.” My patient could not recall her infantile feeding experiences, but it is a fair assumption that she went through a difficult period. As the stronger of the two girls, she was pushed aside by her mother in favor of her weaker sister. It is conceivable that in her struggle for the breast she was regarded by her mother as some kind of monster who couldn't see that her mother was doing what was best. Mothers have a strange habit of regarding the natural demands of the child as monstrous when they cannot fulfill them.

It is easy to picture the conflict that could arise from such an experience. To indulge her appetite was to feel like an animal, an infant, a monster. Not to eat was to reject her body's desire and to find her fulfillment on some other level. The other level is the ego level. My patient found that she could derive a temporary satisfaction from her work as an actress. As an actress, she lived on her own resources, was excited with her image, and as she put it, ate off herself. How long can a person eat off himself? My patient discovered that after a few exciting performances, her acting lost its intensity. Another alternative seemed necessary. My patient found that she always felt better when she was sexually involved with a man. But, as in her acting, after the first flush of excitement passed, her old feelings of dissatisfaction and ghoulishness returned to plague her. Within a short time her relationship with a man degenerated into a sado-masochistic “acting out” of hostility and recriminations. Sex was for her a repetition of the old conflict in a new setting. It was a form of sustenance, and her need for this sustenance made her feel that she was living off another person. In the end, she hated herself for this feeling and despised the man for yielding to her need.

This patient became a ghoul when she turned against her body and its animal instincts. Her difficulties began when she was made to feel guilty about these instincts. If to eat, sleep, and defecate is immoral, the result is an impossible confusion in human feelings.

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