Remedies for Sorrow by Megan Nix

Author:Megan Nix [Nix, Megan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Published: 2023-04-18T00:00:00+00:00

* * *

Two and a half hours later, the nurse enters the waiting room. Because we’ve been prepared that some bilateral CI surgeries can last upward of six hours, I’m sure something must be wrong.

But no—the nurse is smiling. “Anna is done,” she says. “She did beautifully. You can come back.”

A few young nurses are tending to Anna in the recovery room, and they turn to us when we enter the whispering space. They’re cooing over how cute she is; they tell me she’s doing just great. One of them hands Anna to me in her too-big dog gown, and I can tell she’s fine, but I can also tell she’s in pain. My heart careens toward hers, and yet at the same time, I feel a shrinking back, a shame, a self-questioning, knowing that we created the condition from which she’ll need to recover.

I press her against me and sit down in the recliner, and she buries her head in my chest. Her IV-punctured hand is wrapped up in a mitt of gauze, and unlike the clean white bandages I’d seen online of kids who’d gone through the same surgery, hers are the real thing, not the changed dressings appropriate for posting to the public. Her mitten is red-brown with blood, and above her searching eyes, so is her crown of gauze. I gaze down at her on my chest and I say, weeping, “I’m sorry, baby, I’m so sorry.”

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