On Religion by A.C. Grayling

Author:A.C. Grayling [Mick Gordon]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-78319-363-9
Publisher: OBERON BOOKS Ltd
Published: 2013-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

Scene 9

Later.

TOM: Brian.

RUTH: Edward.

TOM: Derek.

RUTH: John.

TOM: Norman

RUTH: Robert.

TOM: That was Grandpa’s name.

RUTH: Sorry.

TOM: Doesn’t matter. Kevin.

RUTH: Kevin. Definitely. Anything pop star-ish.

TOM: Yup. Anything politiciany.

RUTH: Richard, Ted or Dick.

TOM: Goes without saying. Pubert.

RUTH: Pubert?

TOM: Pubert.

RUTH: (Okay then.) Archibald.

TOM: Fester.

RUTH: Elvis.

TOM: Lurch.

RUTH: The Addams Family !

TOM: The Addams Family. If it’s a girl.

RUTH: Maureen.

TOM: Sharon.

RUTH: Tandy.

TOM: Olive.

RUTH: Olive’s not a name.

TOM: Yes it is. Someone I know has an aunt called Olive.

RUTH: Really?

TOM: Yup.

RUTH: Okay. Olive or anything vegetably.

TOM: Or anything flowery. Lilly, Poppy, Bluebell…

RUTH: Rose.

TOM: I like Rose.

RUTH: Too late buster, you binned her.

TOM: An Olive isn’t a vegetable you know.

RUTH: I know. And nothing herby.

TOM: Herby!

RUTH: No. Like Sage or something.

TOM: Oh.

RUTH: Or Saffron.

TOM: Oh yeah. Definitely. What about Chan?

Beat.

RUTH: Oh. I never thought of that. How weird.

TOM: Kachanda. Beautiful.

RUTH: It is flowery though.

TOM: Special dispensation. I really like it.

RUTH: I really like you.

TOM: Yeah?

RUTH: Yeah. (They kiss.) Mostly. (Beat.) Tom I’m finding all this priest…you know…

TOM: Yeah?

RUTH: Yeah, a bit.

TOM: Me too. Guess where dad took me?

RUTH: Bengal Tiger.

TOM: Yeah.

RUTH: No E-s this time I hope.

TOM: No. And we started talking and I told him I was going to ask you to marry me.

Beat.

RUTH: What?

TOM: Yeah.

RUTH: Tom?

TOM: Yeah. And he said to me are you sure you’re doing the right thing?

RUTH: What?

TOM: Yeah.

RUTH: It’s a little late for that isn’t it? (Indicating pregnancy.)

TOM: That’s what I said.

RUTH: That’s your bloody Mother that is.

TOM: No it’s not. He said it’s what fathers are supposed to do.

RUTH: It’s your Mother.

TOM: But it was good because it helped me understand something, how to explain and… Look…so we’d had a couple of beers and I tell dad what I’m planning and he says are you sure you’re doing the right thing? So, then he says, grab the napkin, so I grab the napkin and he says down the middle, draw a line down the middle and put all the sort of pluses and all the minuses for why this is a good thing. And so I drew all this and I tried to write down all the pluses…so y’know, she’s cute and stuff…

RUTH: She’s cute!

TOM: And stuff.

RUTH: Tom!

TOM: Lots of stuff.

RUTH: Have you still got this napkin?

TOM: Stop it. Listen to me. So you do the whole list of things and then you suddenly realize, or I did at least, I realized that that list could never add up to what I was about to do. However poetic or intelligent or clever or in touch with my own emotions I was, the sum total of that list on the plus side could never equal: I love this person – and want to marry them for ever.

RUTH: Tom…

TOM: Look – I need to explain this to you. That there comes a point when my justifications run out but I know that being a priest is just what I have to do. Just like I do about marrying you. I just know. And that’s the area where my faith is located and it’s not on the list.

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