Old Ties by Saxon Bennett

Author:Saxon Bennett [Bennet, Saxon]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bella Books
Published: 1997-01-01T05:00:00+00:00

* * *

Romaine was drying the dishes as Cleo washed them. Romaine missed times like these, and she wished she had appreciated them while they were happening.

“Why is it that when we talk of our past we only remember the bad times, the fights, and all that?” Romaine asked.

Cleo looked at her and sighed. “Because there were more of them than the good moments.”

“God, I fucked up, didn’t I?” Romaine said.

Cleo felt tears well up. “I wish I could learn to hate you. It would make things so much easier. I loved you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and all you did was shit on me!” Cleo said, hitting Romaine’s chest with both fists and then running from the room.

“Cleo, wait!” Romaine said, running after her. But Cleo locked herself in her room. Romaine slumped outside the door. She heard Cleo crying long into the night. When the tears finally stopped, Romaine let herself out quietly and drove home. She felt worse than she had in her entire life. It was the first time the gravity of her actions had touched her, and she felt them acutely.

The next morning Romaine brought her flowers. Cleo looked at them through red eyes.

“I’m sorry. If you never want to speak to me again, I’ll understand,” Romaine said, sheepishly.

Cleo opened the screen door. “If only that were possible. Come in and have some coffee.”

Romaine kissed her cheek. “Thank you.”

Cleo poured coffee, and Romaine found a vase for the dozen white daylilies. They were Cleo’s favorite.

“Why are you always sweet and thoughtful after you’re such a beast? Why can’t you be like this without the other part?”

“I’m schizophrenic?”

“I mean it, Romaine, why?”

“I don’t know why. I do bad things and I know I’m doing them, but I can’t seem to make myself stop. It’s as if I have an evil twin that despises harmony. I wish someone would make me better, kill the demon. I could be good. I have moments, but then something inside me snaps. I hurt everyone I touch,” Romaine said, tears building up. Cleo held her.

She wiped Romaine’s eyes. “I want you to try to straighten things out with Cynthia. She loves you, and she needs you. With her you might have a chance to repair what you’ve done. I want you to stop thinking about us. We’ve had our time, and now we’ve got to let go. Okay?” Cleo said, looking her straight in the eye.

“All right, I’ll try. Can I still come over for dinner? Her cooking will never be as good as yours.”

“Yes.”

“I just can’t imagine my life without you in it.”

“We’ve always been a part of each other’s lives. That won’t change. Maybe if we stop being lovers we can start being friends and our relationship will get better. Let’s try.”

“Okay. I still love you.”

“I know. But no more nonsense. Promise?”

“I never thought I’d be forced to grow up in my forties. It’s so tedious sometimes.”

“You can’t stay a wicked teenager your whole life. You begin to look rather foolish after a while.

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