Love & Panic: A Grumpy Sunshine Slow Burn Romance by Raina Ash

Author:Raina Ash [Ash, Raina]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pink Fox Publishing
Published: 2022-11-16T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twenty-One

Natalie

WHILE WE START A MOVIE and munch on popcorn I really shouldn't be eating, I tell Clayton the abridged version of my phobias and anxieties. He listens, just like he said he would, and tries to get Sophie to come closer for pets. She watches from a distance, shooting kitty daggers at him with her eyes.

Once I'm done rambling, he pulls me against him so we can cuddle. "Thanks for sharing," he says. "We've all got struggles, and you seem like you've got a good heart. That's what matters. Plus, you're gorgeous."

I blush. "You don't think I'm crazy? Or just too messed up to deal with?"

"No. You probably need to heal your body and soul. I have an uncle who had problems with panic attacks. He went on a juice cleanse for a month and they completely stopped. Have you tried juicing to see if that'll help?"

I let out a breath, slouching against him. My voice comes out flat. "No. Can't say that I have."

"You should. I swear by it. You probably have a lot of toxins built up that need to get out. I can send you a few recipes. I've also heard cutting back sugar helps to clear mental fog. Probably helps with anxiety, too."

"Excuse me. I'll be right back." I pull out of Clayton's embrace and go to the bathroom, where I sit on the closed toilet seat for a few moments of solitude.

Stop eating sugar.

Go on a juice cleanse.

Sign up for a meditation retreat.

Plaster positive quotes on your wall while eating ashwagandha lollipops to force yourself to be happy.

I've heard all that well-intentioned yet dismissive advice before. I wish sucking down butt loads of spinach erased years of trauma and emotional pain. If that were the case, my life would be golden.

I bounce my knees. The pill I took should be kicking in soon, and I hope it eases the erratic energy inside me. It's that pinprick feeling of something not aligned in my apartment. Something out of place. I glance at the pill bottle on my bathroom counter, running my thumb over the tiny name near the top: Brewer, Dean MD.

It's Saturday, so I wonder if he's in the middle of a casual hookup to satisfy his bodily needs. Who am I kidding? He's probably drunk at home.

Why is he so damn resistant about drinking here? I created a safe space. Bought foods that he likes. And I did my best to be entertaining and fun. He should stop being stubborn and drink here.

But he's not here, and I need to get used to that again. Maybe he was getting bored of me. He doesn't like people. He doesn't like to get involved. He only got involved with me because of guilt. But that amazing Christmas gift he gave me…

I shove the pill bottle in the cabinet. I need to get more comfortable with Clayton, then I'll be more settled. I've spent too much time with Dean, so of course I feel calmer around that grump and miss his company.

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