Into the Gray by Geanna Culbertson

Author:Geanna Culbertson [Geanna Culbertson]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: BQB Publishing
Published: 2020-09-02T00:00:00+00:00

“It comes easier than you thought it would, doesn’t it? The anger, the hatred?”

I’d been sitting by myself on one of the hay bale walls in the barn, mulling over the graduation and how much this school had changed in such a short time. Then Nadia called on my Mark Two.

When I saw her face, I wondered if I should reach out to Lenore and ask her how to block calls on these things. Or at least get caller ID.

The words of the queen of Alderon were like hissing snakes—not aggressive like the roars of a ferocious predator, but surreptitious and filled with venom.

I didn’t respond. All I could do was look away with the indignity of having realized she was right. I’d been building a lot of hatred toward the antagonists in the last few months. Normally I could shove it away in a mental drawer. But the escalated loathing that burned inside of me now could not be so easily ignored. It seemed to be humming lightly in the corners of my mind at all times. It wanted to burn. When the names Emma or Jacqueline so much as crossed my mind, a negative surge of emotion pulsed through my system faster than my body could circulate blood.

Accepting that filled me with bitterness and concern. I didn’t want to feel so much hate. It was exhausting. And I suspected the more it grew, the more my sense of mercy would shrink and I’d become increasingly prone to Pure Magic surges of vigilante justice. Unlike Lenore, I didn’t think this was a good plan for any person, let alone someone at risk for being corrupted by darkness.

“It’s okay, Crisa,” Nadia said, a suspicious touch of compassion in her tone. “I get what you’re feeling. I honestly do. Which is why my advice is not to fight it, but embrace it. If you don’t, all you’ll be left with is the heartbreak—those consumptive feelings of despair and pain about who and what you have lost. You’re no use to anybody like that, especially yourself.”

“How kind of you to worry about my well-being,” I replied dryly.

Nadia shrugged. “Sadness is a useless emotion, Crisa. It’s debilitating. It reduces people to withered husks of their former selves. But hatred, anger—with those feelings you’ve really got something. They may hurt at first, but trust me: in the end they can make you powerful. The way they scorch you inside creates a strength that will push you further than you ever thought possible. How do you think I got where I am? How do you think I became what I am?”

“I think I made it pretty clear that I am nothing like you, Nadia,” I said.

“Crisa, from a current queen to a future queen, stop kidding yourself. Eventually you’re going to be an antagonist and you will like it. Just imagine how freeing it will be to live your life without constantly questioning the morality of your actions.”

I wished that didn’t sound so appealing.

“I can achieve that same kind of freedom by simply killing you, Nadia.

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