Guilt, Shame, and Anxiety by Peter R. Breggin MD

Author:Peter R. Breggin, MD
Language: enm
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781616147211
Publisher: Prometheus Books
Published: 2014-11-10T16:00:00+00:00

ACTIVE EXPRESSIONS OF SHAME: FROM TOUCHY TO VIGILANT

When feeling guilty, we feel powerful. We know we are bad and can do harmful things to the people we care about. We matter, but in a bad way. When we feel shameful, we feel powerless, unable to have any impact. We feel we do not matter at all to anyone. That is what motivates our anger at other people—we believe they are making us feel impotent and inconsequential. If we react actively to the shame, we want to show everyone that we will not take their mistreatment anymore.

Most domestic violence, even when perpetrated by seemingly powerful and arrogant men, is driven by underlying feelings of inferiority and weakness (see chapter 10). The man who towers in a rage over his diminutive wife or girlfriend feels at her mercy. Anything from a perceived slight to a refusal to remain obedient to him stimulates his unconscious feelings of powerlessness from childhood.

Shame is the strongest emotional force for social conformity. Shame crushes our individuality, creativity, and willingness to love. It rules relationships between children on the playground and in school and keeps adults in line with social norms. Fearful of what others think of us, we avoid being noticed, inhibit ourselves, or overreact angrily and defensively.

Nearly everyone is ashamed to admit having feelings of shame, but few things are more important in life than identifying these feelings in order to reject their effects on us. Appreciating the universal power of shame allows us to feel more sympathetic toward ourselves as vulnerable human beings who, like everyone else, are afflicted by Stone Age emotion.

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