Finding Lina by Helena Hjalmarsson

Author:Helena Hjalmarsson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing
Published: 2016-04-07T04:00:00+00:00

To Elsa’s wonderful and very intelligent psychotherapist, in one of my updates before Elsa’s appointment, I wrote:

There are ongoing challenges with Lina and this morning, Elsa was very explicitly upset about Lina’s screaming, covering her ears with her hands, looking miserable and pissed off, talking about how she doesn’t like the screaming. Lina, as is customary [during this phase], threw milk all over the kitchen, and her cereal started flying around soon after the milk. Lina was confused about the milk and cereal and there was also something else she wanted to say to Elsa but couldn’t make herself understood…. I’m trying to just concentrate on one moment, one situation at the time. When I do well, and am calm and focused, it gives Elsa a chance to express her feelings, be more needy, etc. I’ve been spending time relating to myself as a daughter, not so much the daughter to my mother but in a broader sense, imagining Mother Earth, a cosmic mother, the ground, trees, wind, water…. You may think this sounds crazy but this is really helping me. It’s an extreme challenge we’re in—all of us—and there isn’t much to be found in the physical environment so it makes sense to me to find it beyond tangible reality. To me, this kind of meditation makes me feel connected to something much bigger than my own resources, and that, as I see it, is the only way of living the day to day as it is at this point.

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