Excuse Me While I Ugly Cry by Joya Goffney

Author:Joya Goffney
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperTeen
Published: 2021-02-26T00:00:00+00:00

When we get to my house, my dad’s car is in the driveway. I reassure Carter that I’ll protect him, but he doesn’t laugh. He looks nervous.

We get out of the car and walk to the door—me, then Auden, then Carter. I step out of my sneakers. The boys do the same. Then, quietly, we walk through the foyer in our socks. I glance into the living room and turn into the kitchen. “All clear,” I say.

I lead them upstairs to the den and get them settled on the couch. “Water?” I ask.

“Yes, please,” Auden says. Carter nods.

As I’m going back downstairs, I spot Dad in the kitchen, tucking his polo shirt into his khaki slacks. My already upset stomach sinks in on itself.

He hears me and turns. “Oh, good, you’re here. You and I are going to see Hattie today.”

I stare at him, speechless. He doesn’t say it like it’s a choice. He doesn’t say it with an ounce of patience.

“No, I need to work on my project today.”

“Quinn.” He stops in front of me, furious. “How can you just sit here while your grandmother is unwell?”

“I can’t see her like that.” My eyes well up. I’m not ready to talk about this right now. I need a few more hours of sleep. I need food. I need time.

“You’re going to regret every second you don’t spend with her.” He grabs my wrist. “I’m not going to let you do that to yourself, or to her. Come on.”

He turns me around.

“Dad.”

He pulls me toward the foyer.

“Dad.”

I refuse to go to that awful nursing home to see the Hattie who can’t walk without help, the Hattie who probably doesn’t even remember my name, much less my face—the impostor.

“Dad, stop! I can’t go!” I’m spitting tears out of my mouth, pulling back. If he gets me in the car, I swear I’ll jump out the first chance I get.

“Desmond, you can’t make her go if she’s not ready!” my mom shouts from the top of the stairs.

He stops pulling me, but he doesn’t let go of my arm. “That’s your problem, Quinn.” He turns on me, his eyes watery, but not wet enough to put out the fire. “You sit here, waiting until you’re ready. You will never be ready for anything! You can’t pick a place to live. You can’t pick a major. You can’t get off your ass and go see your dying grandmother. She’s dying, Quinn! And you sit here like she’ll live forever.”

He throws my wrist away. “Don’t come crying to me when she’s gone and you didn’t get to see her.”

He rushes into the foyer, and my mom rushes after him.

I shake like an earthquake, staring into the empty living room until it blurs into an array of muddled colors.

Carter catches me in the kitchen before I double over. I don’t know when he came downstairs, or how much of that he heard, but I fall into him, grateful that he’s here.

My breath rushes from between my lips.

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