Easy Ego State Interventions by Shapiro Robin

Author:Shapiro, Robin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company
Published: 2016-01-31T16:00:00+00:00

CASE EXAMPLE Containing Anxiety and Anger in Fears of Merging

Larry, forty-two, had dated but had never been in a long-term relationship. His goal in therapy was to be able to “get along with women.” He was attractive and intelligent and worked in the tech industry. Unlike some in that industry, he had no trace of autistic behavior. His history was “normal,” but he had trouble being specific about most of his childhood. I could tell that he was wary of me and unusually specific about his boundaries for scheduling and the length of the therapy. I watched him carefully as I pushed him for more specifics. He finally admitted that his mother had been “too” present, to the point of intrusiveness, and that she was reactive to his every response and action. As a result he was defensive and fearful of disclosing, and in relationships was often dumped for his lack of emotional availability.

Much of the therapy played out in the transference. When I would ask Larry about any internal process, he would reflexively push back, saying “What’s it to you?” or “Why do you want to know?” or by sitting and glaring at me. After a few sessions of carefully explaining everything, I changed my tactics.

Larry, I’m going to ask you to do something really weird and probably really uncomfortable, and I’d like you, just for a while, to answer all my questions, without question, and do exactly what I tell you. I invite you to feel everything you feel and to use those feelings to answer the questions. If it becomes too much, raise your hand or say “Too much!” and we’ll stop. Can you agree with this? (Larry ponders for half a minute and then nods, looking intrigued.)

First, I’d like you to get in touch with that smart guy in you, the one who writes and analyzes software and who interacts well with the guys at work . . . Found him? (He nods.) I want to ask that part of you the questions, and get the answers through him. (He nods again.) Okay, Mr. Tech, could you do a search inside Larry and tell me which age or ages get up in arms when I ask a question?

Fourteen to eighteen.

And what ages is that teenager protecting?

(Larry ponders for a few minutes, thinking hard.) Many ages . . . Very young to right now.

What is that teenager protecting all the ages of you from?

Disappearing . . . Wow!

Explain “wow.”

If she was there, I couldn’t be there. (He shivers.)

If your mother was present, you couldn’t be there? Say more about that.

I don’t know . . . She was so scared. There wasn’t room for me to know anything about myself, if I was paying attention to her. So after a while I cut her off.

I was starting to see that this guy was a classic “drama of the gifted child” person (Miller, 1981), with a huge defensive overlay. I explained my theory, that he was projecting his overwhelming mom on every woman, including me, and reflexively trying to protect his kid parts from annihilation.

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