Different after You by Michele Neff Hernandez

Author:Michele Neff Hernandez
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: New World Library
Published: 2021-12-16T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 13

Life in the Fishbowl

Think of yourself as a goldfish in a clear bowl. You are in charge of creating and managing the environment that exists all around you. Can you see yourself there?

Using the analogy of the fishbowl, I have created a filtering method for prioritizing and processing recommendations and criticisms while building groups of support. For several years, I’ve been teaching this approach to help others as they heal from trauma, and I love the self-confidence it generates. It’s all about creating an atmosphere that recognizes our independence without losing sight of the interdependence that is a vital part of the human experience.

To start, you need a notebook or a few clean sheets of paper. First, make a list of all the people who provide you with personal feedback, both positive and negative, on a regular basis. This includes family, friends, coworkers, neighbors — anyone who expresses opinions about the way you run your life. Most importantly, write down the names of those whose words have hurt you or whose opinions have made you question yourself, and also list trusted confidantes whose comments have challenged you to think of a topic from a different angle.

Then, assign each person to one of five categories or types of groups I describe below: fish feeders, fish who live in your bowl, fish in neighboring bowls, fishbowl viewers, and fish who live in the ocean.

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