Conversational Capacity by Craig Weber

Author:Craig Weber
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: McGraw-Hill Education
Published: 2013-09-22T04:00:00+00:00

Cultivating Our “Better Angels”

Our troublesome fight-flight tendencies are primal, base aspects of our being. But they’re an innate part of our behavioral repertoire, and they serve us well in limited circumstances, so we can’t just get rid of them. We can, however, learn to put them in their place. As we build our discipline for working in the sweet spot, we can reduce their impact on our behavior by intentionally cultivating higher aspects of our humanity—what Abraham Lincoln referred to as the “better angels of our nature.”3 When we set aside our urges to minimize and put forward our positions and thinking, we exercise both candor and courage. Turning our backs on our need to win by testing and inquiring, on the other hand, is an exercise in curiosity and humility.

It takes guts to candidly express our thoughts when every fiber of our being is telling us to be cautious. If we have a strong minimize tendency, for instance, clearly advocating our view when we’re worried about the reaction it may incite can provoke a fear response akin to a fear of public speaking or bungee jumping. Speaking up anyway, even as every fiber of our being is telling us not to, is an act of courage.

On the other side of the scale, testing a perspective we hold dear is a humble act. It takes modesty to admit our view may be missing something, that it may be wrong. But humility is exactly what’s needed to counter our vain need to be right. In a similar way, genuinely inquiring into a contrary view demonstrates a high degree of curiosity, indicating we’re more interested in exploring divergent ideas than in being comfortable or right.

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