8 Strategies for Successful Step-Parenting by Nadir Baksh

Author:Nadir Baksh
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781935387466
Publisher: Hohm Press
Published: 2012-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

PS.—Close Enough Is...Close Enough

Some of you may find that you not only get along well with the former spouse, but that you would like to have a close friendship with this person, independent of the former marriage and all that it entails. We do not endorse this sentiment, as it almost always leads to jealousy and comparisons at some juncture. Rather, keep the newfound friendship at a “close distance” to insure that the overall family relationship continues as smoothly as possible.

STRATEGY #5

Create a Parenting Partnership

Step-parenting is not a single act, but rather a team effort. Although the primary purpose of this book is to assist you with step-parenting, your spouse is the other half of your step-parenting team. It is he or she who will guide you along your newly-cleared path as you become more confident in the step-parenting role; without his or her support, your step-children are more likely to offer more resistance to your step-parenting goals. Especially if you aren’t getting much assistance from the other biologic parent, and you aren’t winning any popularity contests with your step-children, then the person you most need in your corner is your spouse! Having someone you trust to vent your feelings and frustrations to after a long, difficult day can significantly ease your burden while everyone is still adjusting to their new roles in this blended family.

This chapter will offer helpful advice for how to nurture a working partnership for parenting your children and stepchildren. Strategy #5 calls for a number of skills and a lot of patience, so. be patient. Our focus will be on clear communications, establishing realistic expectations, and establishing roles and responsibilities.

Clear Communication

As with all relationships, communication is key. Words are used to express needs, doubts, worries, concerns and accomplishments, yet many people lack good communication skills. If you have been told that you are not an adequate communicator, it is time to get some help and make some significant effort to improve. As part of a team, if each of you cannot decode the other’s thoughts and sentiments, the messages to your step-children and to one another will be blurred and confusing.

There are many reasons for poor communication skills ranging from sheer laziness to an inability to prioritize thoughts and feelings, or a problem with choosing words that adequately describe those thoughts and feelings. This is not always easy for many people who have learned over years to shield their vulnerability and hide their inadequacies. However, since the method in which you choose to communicate will either enhance or take away from your goal—successful marriage and step-parenting—it is never too late to correct dysfunctional communication.

The list below points out some basic elements to clear communication. Keep in mind that you’ll need to use this list with patience. We recommend that you and your partner find a time to “take this course” together. Like anything else that attempts to change old habits, it is not just the study of this list that is important, but the practice of this list.

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