51 Shades of Maggie, Dublin Style by Leesa Harker

Author:Leesa Harker
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Blackstaff Press Ltd
Published: 2013-04-15T00:00:00+00:00

Floozie in the Jacuzzi

So we got outside an there was the outhouse with the jacuzzi in it. Mr Big pressed a button that turned it on an it started bubblin away. It was far better than the Blanchardstown Aquatic Centre. So Mr Big said he’s away to get his trunks, an told me to get changed in the cubicle beside the jacuzzi. So I slipped into my bikini an ran out to the jacuzzi so I’d be the first one in. Then I whacked the bottoms off an when I saw Mr Big comin across the garden, I flung them out the door at his head.

He laughed but then he looked cross an said, ‘Now, Margaret, I will have to punish you later for your bad behaviour.’

An I said to him, ‘Bring it on, mate.’ I didn’t know where I was gettin the bravery from cos I sure didn’t want a wallopin – or did I? I think it must have been the country air makin me a halfwit or somethin.

When Mr Big got into the jacuzzi, he had two glasses of champagne in his hands. So I said, ‘Bubbly in the bubbles – now I know I’m with the swanks in Killiney.’ So, we started gluggin. But after scoffin down all those buns, an then the bubbly on top, I felt wind buildin up in my belly. You know how if you look at a water tap you need to have a slash? Well the bubbles in the jacuzzi had that effect on my arse. An I knew it wouldn’t be a little poof. We’re talkin thunder farts, like carpet gettin ripped up. But then I thinks, my arse is under water, he’ll not know if I’m trumpin like a farmer or not. So, I let rip. But instead of it bubblin out the back, a rumble of farts went right up the front of the Muff an bubbled to the top, just as Mr Big leaned in for a kiss. An what I hadn’t accounted for was the smell. When the fart bubbles popped at the surface, the smell was putrid. Right in Mr Big’s face. His nose started twitchin an he stopped kissin me, an I thought to myself, I’m dumped now. But Mr Big didn’t seem bothered. Next thing he was playin the hairy banjo on the Muff under the water. Then I said to him, ‘What about a game of underwater knob gobbling?’ An he nods an leans back on the side a the jacuzzi, so under the water I went for a tune on his flute. I nearly drowned after a few blows an I had to come up for air. But it was just as well cos Mr Big senior was danderin across the garden in his Speedos to join us.

I said, ‘Oh feck, I’m naked under the water.’

An Mr Big said, ‘That’ll teach you, Margaret.’

As Mr Big senior was steppin in, he looked down an I’m sure he’s thinkin to himself, either

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