You've Reached Sam by Dustin Thao

You've Reached Sam by Dustin Thao

Author:Dustin Thao
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: St. Martin's Publishing Group


CHAPTER TEN

When I wake up in the morning, something is different. I sense the warmth of someone beside me. But when my hand moves across the sheets to find them, no one is there. It’s only me again. I rub my eyes until the walls of my bedroom come into focus. Streaks of light glimmer across the ceiling like sunlight on water. If it wasn’t for the thin window curtain, I wouldn’t know it was daylight out. It’s one of those mornings where you don’t know how much time has passed since you fell asleep. Hours or days, I’m not sure. I have to check the clock on my phone to orient myself for the day. It’s Saturday. 9:14 in the morning. None of this seems right, but there’s no point in arguing with it.

I sit up on the bed, and glance around the room. The chair at my desk is turned to face me, Sam’s shirt still hanging behind it. Sometimes, I like to pretend he’s in the bathroom, or grabbing some water downstairs, and is about to come back. Anytime now. It makes me feel less alone when we’re not on the phone together. I stretch my arms toward the ceiling. Sometimes my hair gets tangled in my sleep, so I run my fingers through to straighten it out. The smell of barley comes through, and I remember. The golden fields. Was that really last night? If I close my eyes, I can see it again. It’s strange to be back in my room with nothing but the memory of it. Like waking up from a dream, and having no one there to talk about it with.

Another world, another life, another thing to keep to myself.

I couldn’t sleep well. I had the same dream where I’m back at the bus station, looking for Sam again. It wasn’t quite as bad this time, but I’m still a bit shaken from it. I wish I could talk to someone about the dreams. Someone besides Sam, I mean. After everything I said to him last night, I don’t want to give him more to worry about. There are things I should probably keep inside.

I stay curled in bed until a third alarm goes off, reminding me to start the day. My mother left me half a pot of coffee downstairs. I finish two cups and a bowl of cereal. An hour later, I meet Oliver outside on the porch. He texted me this morning, inviting me on another walk. But we have a different destination this time. It’s Oliver’s idea. I wasn’t sure about it at first, but I said yes anyway. We’re on our way to Sam’s grave.

The clouds are out this afternoon. Oliver and I take the long route to avoid the crowds in town. When I tell him I’ve never visited Sam’s grave before, he doesn’t judge me. Maybe he already guessed this. Maybe he understands why I’m afraid to see it. As memorial hill rises into view, my stomach turns to knots.



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