Why I Don't Call Myself Gay by Daniel Mattson

Author:Daniel Mattson [Mattson, Daniel]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Spiritual & Religion
ISBN: 9781681497716
Publisher: Ignatius Press
Published: 2018-02-26T00:00:00+00:00

This is muddled thinking about the nature of reality and what constitutes a lie. No one is guilty of lying by giving a negative response to the rather impertinent question “Are you gay?” Yet here, concerns over being deceitful often relate to questions of one’s romantic future. A challenging aspect of living with same-sex attractions, particularly for young people, is worrying about what to say to friends and family about the question of dating and marriage. I lived with these worries for a time too. But I learned that the easiest and most honest thing I could ever say was “I leave my future in God’s hands. I don’t feel called to marriage, but I’m open to marriage if it is God’s will.”

No one lies by “not coming out”. Indeed, honesty is the primary reason no one should ever “come out”. By not identifying as a gay man, I recognize the truth that I’m made for a woman, just as Adam was made for Eve. Let me be clear—that truth doesn’t make me desire women, or turn off my desires for men, nor does it make me pine for marriage like I once did. In fact, I tend to expect I’ll be single the rest of my life. But it seems to me that if I desire to have appropriate humility before God my Creator, I must accept and recognize that I am a man made for union with a woman. And that truth means that God may actually have a wife in store for me, at some point in my life. Now, that’s not anything I really desire at all. In fact, the idea of sharing my life with a woman sort of gives me the heebie-jeebies. I’m not keen on the idea of marriage, but I have enough faith in Divine Providence that if God desires for me to be married, he would also inspire a desire in me for the woman he would will for me to marry. Here it is helpful for me to recall what we learn in Genesis: God brought Eve to Adam. I’m not really interested in finding an Eve, so I’m not looking for one, but I know that God might will that for me, and if he does, one sign will be that I will recognize her as a gift from God, as Adam did when he saw Eve and said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Gen 2:23). It doesn’t look like that will happen in my life, but humility before my Creator keeps me open to the possibility. I don’t fret about “keeping up appearances” anymore—I realize that was all wasted worry. It’s the most honest thing in the world for me to say to prying questions, “I don’t know what God has in store for me, and I leave my future in his capable hands.” And then I leave it at that. That’s far more honest about my true nature than for me ever to say to anyone, “Well, I’m not dating a woman because I’m gay.

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