When a Brown Girl Flees by Aamna Qureshi

Author:Aamna Qureshi
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781643795065
Publisher: Lee & Low Books
Published: 2023-08-08T03:21:58+00:00

Chapter 21

11:00 p.m. After curfew. We were playing poker, the six of us. Two girls, four boys. Blond hair and blue eyes, light-brown hair and green eyes, chestnut hair and hazel eyes—hijab and black eyes. No hair, not yet, though it was peeking out from my untied scarf, little wisps escaping. I knew how they framed my face, knew how effortlessly pretty it made me look. I did not push the hair back. Instead, I threw my head back, laughing as I won again.

12:00 a.m. Getting late now. I didn’t want the night to be over now. We settled into the sofa and watched a movie. Knees pressed together. Tummy full of knots. Just two layers of sweatpants separating skin. One dimpled half smile. Blue eyes. Why did I love blue eyes so damn much?

2:00 a.m. Later than late. Movie finished. Time to sleep. We were leaving for home in six hours. The long weekend was over. Vacation done. Bottle up this feeling and these memories and that dimpled smile because your time is up, it’s finished, say goodbye. Back to college applications and back to crying once the lights switched off. Back to life. Thoughts and thoughts and thoughts in a whirlwind.

Wait. My voice. Everyone else was gone. Just the two of us left. Blond hair close enough it really did look like sunshine. He was so tall. So strong. Carry me for a while, I wanted to say. But we didn’t say a word. I bit my lip. How did this go? I wasn’t sure.

Beige walls. Yellow lights. Shhh. Everyone’s asleep. A ­stifled giggle. The key sliding in. A warm hand in mine. This was innocent. This was fun. Nothing bad, nothing wrong. I choose this. Just a little relaxing. Just a few more moments, then I’ll stop. Promise. This will make everything better.

I don’t think about the consequences, only the present.

Then all at once: everything. Are you sure? I can stop it, but I don’t. Yes. I want this. Cold air on my ears and neck, then my hair, cascading down, black and seemingly infinite. Lips on lips. Lips on skin. Skin on skin. Sudden pain. A gasp. Time disappearing. Lips. Skin. Pain. Hands. Legs. Cold fingers. Nothingness. Quiet. Emptiness. Silence.

My heart, oh, my heart.

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