Teenagers and Parents by Roger McIntire

Author:Roger McIntire
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: school, family, teenagers, discipline, parenting, punishment, social skills, teenagers and parents, computers take over, cell phone addiction
Publisher: Summit Crossroads Press

3. Liking and Caring Behaviors are Attractive.

Do your family members use liking behaviors? If so, then preparing for an outing will not be a stressful time for your teen because he/she understands the basics that make a person likable. The moments before a party can be planning time: “At the party I want to spend time with ...I want to talk to ... I will show I like (fill in the blank) by ...”

Natural liking behaviors are consistent attention, questions, encouragement, and praise, instead of preoccupation with your own looks and interests. If you do more asking and listening than you do telling, then you’re probably on the right track. Liking behaviors are habits that grow with practice and replace their opposites—silence or criticism, sarcasm, and negative comments.

Answers are impressive, but questions send the messages. A teen asks about her boyfriend’s studying; he asks about her day. The messages show concern—they say, “I’m interested in you.”

In marital counseling a common assignment for both members of the couple is to have “caring days”—days when he or she does a particular thing for his or her spouse—without being asked or expecting anything in return. What do you suppose is the request most often listed for the caring day by the wife? She says, “I wish he would ask me about my day sometimes.” Out of all the things a husband could say, this simple wish is the most common request: personalized interest and attention.

Liking is not always returned, and two-way relationships will not balance exactly. One person will be required to go more than half-way to make it work. Socially successful and likable people put out more than their share of effort in relationships that are not ideally balanced in regard to effort.

Teens need to live with less than ideal situations at times, and discover when to accept and when to change a relationship, so as not to be unfairly used. Keeping too tight a score on how much you put yourself out for someone may keep things so even that the relationship is not appreciated. A little extra effort with persons at home or school can help smooth troubles as they come up.

When talking with your teen about why certain people are attractive, look at the behaviors of those people. Teens need to discover that Jonny Depp and Angelina Jolie are attractive in their films for a combination of reasons. Their physical characteristics are not easily copied, but look carefully at how Jonny Depp plays in his romantic scenes. He’s concerned, involved, and ready to be a part of his leading lady’s solution to problems.

Isn’t this the fantasy, “If he were here, he would be interested in me, too?” When a film wishes to portray the disillusionment of the common fellow who pursues a beautiful and too-sophisticated woman, the script doesn’t turn her ugly—just vain, uninterested and not capable of liking others.

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