What No One Tells You by Alexandra Sacks & Alexandra Sacks

Author:Alexandra Sacks & Alexandra Sacks
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Published: 2019-04-23T00:00:00+00:00

Beginning One Marathon While Recovering from Another

Whether you delivered vaginally or had a C-section, your body has just gone through a major ordeal. Traditionally, your doctor or midwife may have given you some general instructions, like not exercising or having sex for a while, and how to care for any stitches or healing incisions you may have. But if you aren’t scheduled to have a follow-up appointment for six weeks or more after delivery, this is a shockingly long time to be off on your own, especially since your doctor probably wanted to see you often during your pregnancy. As much as you may have complained about having to go to the doctor before, if she is not requesting to see you in the first few weeks after childbirth, you may feel abandoned and neglected. It may also reinforce the message you’ll be getting from many sides: The baby’s care is more important than yours.

If you’d just come out of the hospital after a different surgery, no one would expect you to manage on your own without a checkup for over a month. Thankfully, in 2018 the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology (ACOG) came out with new guidelines for doctors to schedule the postpartum appointment at three weeks after childbirth; hopefully, common practice will follow these recommendations so that women will receive better care in the first few weeks of the postpartum period.

Expecting yourself to seamlessly pivot to caring for a newborn after the physical and emotional demands of birth is unrealistic. Many women have a hard time reconciling the fact that even if they feel energized to hit the ground running in new motherhood, their bodies just aren’t keeping up. How can you take care of a newborn if you can barely walk? Because new moms aren’t taught to focus on their own healing during this time, many criticize themselves for being lazy or selfish if they drag their feet when the baby cries.

In some cultures, family or neighbors step in to help a new mother recover from childbirth. In China, this period of time is called zuo yue zi, or “sitting the month.” The focus is on the mother’s healing: Relatives cook nurturing food and help manage the household. Typically, American society doesn’t provide that kind of support, in either an intergenerational, communal, or public way.

It’s not only that American culture doesn’t have the expectation of family support for a new mother—it’s sometimes logistically impossible. When Americans leave their extended families to work in bigger cities, about a quarter of them are no longer within driving distance of family members who might have otherwise helped with a new baby. This means increased stress, isolation, and expense for the new parents.

In many other countries, when families are not able to step in to help with child care, there is a social structure for support. In France, the government subsidizes day care AND pelvic floor physiotherapy (to help with pelvic and vaginal recovery); in Sweden, you get over a

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