The Lammas Wild by Alys Clare

Author:Alys Clare [Alys Clare]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Severn House
Published: 2021-02-25T00:00:00+00:00

TWELVE

I dreamed vividly again.

I woke from images of darkness, fear and pain to warm sunshine, and for some moments simply lay letting my mind and my body adjust to the realization that I was safe; there was no immediate threat; it had been no more than a dream.

But it had been so very real.

Errita and I had faced each other and at the precise same moment we had both held up our right hands and pointed them straight at the other as if they held invisible weapons; as if, rather, the limbs themselves had been the weapons. And as if that concept had somehow travelled from my sleeping brain to the actions I was seeing, all at once the extended fingers of my outstretched hand seemed to turn into a long, narrow blade that glittered bright silver in the fleeting beams of moonlight. Then it seemed that she too had a blade, and that our two knives, or swords – I was not sure what they were, for they looked like nothing I’d ever seen before – were clashing and scraping against each other, sending wide arcs of brilliant, pale blue sparks flying up into the night.

It occurred to me as I lay there in the soft morning sun that the dream was a representation of a scene that had regularly taken place between Errita and me in life. Time after time she would challenge me, make it plain by word or action that she considered me an upstart, a usurper, a newcomer with an inflated opinion of herself, self-important because she had the favour of those great figures of power held in reverence in the settlement under the mountains and, perhaps more crucially, in the City of Pearl.

Figures such as Luliwa.

Her own mother.

To begin with I tried to deflect her hostility with a show of humility and even, at the start, understanding. But I learned very quickly that whenever I showed any sign of what she perceived as weakness, she attacked like a snake and I often got hurt. Thus I was able to salve my conscience and tell myself that when I met like with like, when I hit back as hard as she was hitting me, it was permissible because I was acting in self-defence.

I believe I knew all along that I held the stronger weapons; that I could crush her if I chose. But I sensed that the people among whom I lived, and whose good opinion I valued, would count it against me if I met Errita’s increasingly cruel and cunning attacks with more violence than necessary. Besides, I knew that to do so was morally wrong.

I did not share with anyone – not friend or work colleague, not mentor or teacher – the unwelcome suspicion that had gradually been growing deep in my heart.

I had tried not to think about it myself.

But this morning I could not shut it out.

Get up, I commanded myself now. Get up and help someone.

My own instructions were joined

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