The Girl I Used To Be: a must read psychological thriller by J.A. Baker

Author:J.A. Baker [Baker, J.A.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bloodhound Books - crime, thriller and mystery
Published: 2020-07-05T16:00:00+00:00

22

The evening is a blur. We spend it wrapped in one another’s arms. Spread before us on the coffee table is a collection of half-eaten Indian food and an empty wine bottle with two garnet-stained glasses beside it.

‘Shall I open another?’ Wade stands up, looks at me, his face quizzical, his expression dark and enigmatic as he searches my features for something I cannot give. His gaze is relentless, probing deep into my soul. I want to reach up to him, become nestled in the safety and solidity of his embrace and lose myself forever.

‘Well, we’re off tomorrow, so why not?’ I wave my crystal glass at him playfully.

‘You’re a very bad influence, you do know that, don’t you?’ He leans down and kisses me. I can taste the garlic and wine on his lips and feel an unexpected flush of excitement at him being so close by. I’m a teenager again with a crush, a young girl unable to contain her feelings, swept along by lust and exhilaration.

I close my eyes and breathe deeply, complete contentment washing over me, settling somewhere down in the pit of my belly. When I open them again, Wade is standing over me, watching me, his expression one of mild amusement. ‘I should go away more often. I can’t remember the last time I saw you this happy and relaxed.’

He winks at me and I have no idea whether it’s the sound of his voice or the fact that he is so trusting or if it is simply a release of all the pent-up anger and fear and frustration that has been building up over the past few weeks, but I unexpectedly burst into tears.

Through misted vision, I see Wade’s expression change from happy to horrified. He sits down next to me on the sofa and places his arm over my shoulder. It is solid, reassuring. ‘Hey, hey! What’s up? One minute you’re all laid-back and content and now this?’

I am not sure whether to move closer to him or move away and pull myself together. Too late now. He’s seen the cracks in my veneer, the flimsy façade that disguises how broken and damaged I really am. I can’t keep this to myself any longer. I have to tell him. So I do.

Leaning into him so I don’t have to see his reactions, I tell Wade about my childhood, about the abuse I endured and why I simply cannot forgive my mother. And then I tell him about the letters. I’d like to say the whole process was cathartic but as I sit here, consumed by misery and anxiety, I’m not so sure it was. I am exhausted by it all. I’ve aged twenty years in twenty minutes. I don’t tell him everything. I can’t. And I don’t tell him about Glenn. There’s no need. Why bring up something that is no longer relevant? Glenn has been eliminated and isn’t on my radar anymore. He’s part of a past I am trying hard to erase.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.