The Ape in the Corner Office by Richard Conniff

Author:Richard Conniff
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780307336484
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2005-09-05T16:00:00+00:00

HUMAN REFINEMENTS

To be sure, our reconciliation behavior also differs from that of other animals. We follow rules that seem to be unique to our species. We’re much fussier than chimpanzees, for instance, about what constitutes a sincere apology, properly delivered. So while it is important to pay attention to the biological roots of our reconciliation behavior, it is also crucial to observe a few human niceties:

• You need to say the words. And with certain exceptions, it’s better if the words include a direct admission of personal responsibility for the transgression. It isn’t enough to say, “I’m sorry it happened,” as Pete Rose discovered, or “Mistakes were made.” You need to say, “I’m sorry I did it.” In fact, Rose actually got the wording right on ABC’s Primetime Thursday news show: “I am terribly sorry for my actions and for my bad judgment in ever wagering on baseball, and I deeply regret waiting so many years to come clean.” But the nonapology in the book, and his air of truculence, disheartened even those who yearned to welcome Rose back into the baseball fold.

People may hesitate to say the words because they fear that an apology is legally tantamount to a guilty plea. This is particularly true in the United States, where an apology to an injured party may later turn up in court as evidence of guilt. Hence even Japanese corporations steeped in a national tradition of apology urge employees going off to work in the United States to avoid apologizing, for instance, after a car accident.

Under U.S. law, an apology is protected from use as evidence in only one circumstance—when it is directly linked to a monetary offer to settle a claim. Daniel W. Shuman, a professor at Southern Methodist University School of Law, complains that this rule encourages only those apologies that are “least therapeutic or sincere.” The structure of compensation for lawyers, who typically take a percentage of any legal settlement, also discourages apologies. One-third of “I’m sorry” will not buy the lawyer a tuna sandwich for lunch.

On the other hand, many states have recently passed laws making an apology or a statement of sympathy or benevolence inadmissible as evidence against the defendant, in at least some circumstances. And despite the legal risk, some scholars and insurance companies now argue that the redeeming character of a good apology may justify it on purely practical grounds. Even if it helps establish a defendant’s guilt, legal scholars point out that many civil and criminal disputes “are not as concerned with liability as with how much is due.” And on that question, victims and juries often accept an apology as grounds for reducing the size of the damage award.

• You need to say the words at the right time. Fourteen years is too long a wait. But when an apology comes too soon, it can seem reflexive and insincere. Nicholas Tavuchis, author of Mea Culpa: A Sociology of Apology and Reconciliation, writes that there is “a tender moment following an

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