Slow and Steady Parenting by Catherine Sanderson

Author:Catherine Sanderson [Sanderson, Catherine A.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: M. Evans & Company
Published: 2007-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 6: Independent Play

Playtime is really “work time” for young kids—playtime fosters creativity and imagination, provides intellectual and physical stimulation, and gives much needed practice with social interactions. Playtime also provides a great opportunity for you to help your kids develop valuable life skills while simplifying your own life.

The Challenge of Keeping Your Child Entertained

One of the biggest surprises most parents of toddlers face is how very little our kids seem to be able to play on their own . . . and how very tiring it can be playing with a toddler. (This is one of the reasons many desperate parents turn to videos and television.) No matter how many toys and games you might have, your child will invariably be unable to find anything to play with unless someone else—ideally a parent—is constantly interacting with them. Although my husband used to pretend to play with our kids on Saturday mornings, they unfortunately became quickly dissatisfied with the “see how long Daddy can sleep on the couch” game. It’s just easier to give in to the pleas and avoid the whining, fits, etc.—and provide constant entertainment. Those of us who work full-time may also feel a need to play with our kids constantly when we’re home, in part to compensate for our absence. This focus on “quality time”—in lieu of quantity time—can mistakingly lead us to view entertaining our kids as a way to enhance the parent-child bond.

Why Always Entertaining Your Kids Has Long-Term Consequences

You may think you are doing your kids a favor by spending long hours playing with them, but in reality this quick-fix solution has too many long-term costs for you and your kids.

Interferes with the development of independence and self-reliance. Kids who are constantly entertained by their parents or other adults don’t have a chance to learn important skills for playing by themselves. This lack of self-reliance leads kids to be highly dependent on others for assistance—with completing a puzzle, building a Lincoln Log house, or drawing a picture on their own. After my husband spent several afternoons drawing with our younger son, Robert became unwilling to draw by himself because he saw his own drawing as inadequate—he then turned to an adult to draw “for him.” Playing with your kids all the time therefore disrupts your child’s ability to master the important life task of self-entertainment.

Interferes with the development of creativity. Kids who are constantly entertained never get the chance to create their own ways of playing, which inhibits their natural creativity and exploration. This inhibition manifests itself in very subtle ways. For example, even well-meaning parents unintentionally direct children in play—they may suggest objects for them to draw or build, demonstrate “the right” way of playing a game, or describe how a particular toy “should” be used. Parents also unwittingly evaluate children’s play in various ways, which reinforces some types of playing and discourages others. We might, for example, give immense praise to a child who follows the directions exactly to build the Lego vehicle, but show less enthusiasm to a child who creates his or her own Lego creation.

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