Shit Cassandra Saw by Gwen E. Kirby

Author:Gwen E. Kirby [Kirby, Gwen E.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2022-01-11T00:00:00+00:00

* * *

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“Burros!”

You and María have come home past curfew. Your shoes and socks are wet with foam. Gabi is in a knee-length pajama shirt with Tweetie on the front and her feet are bare. Her toenails are thick with red nail polish and her black and gray hair is pulled back in a scrunchy.

“Ustedes son burros!” Gabi makes María lean forward and smells her breath.

“Cerveza!” Gabi points a short finger at María and María vigorously denies it. Then Gabi insists on smelling your breath. You haven’t been drinking but you are sure you smell like it. The dance club was sticky with spilled beer and thick with cigarette smoke. Gabi can’t decide about you, trusts you. She asks you what you’ve been doing, who María has been dancing with. You say you haven’t been drinking, which isn’t a lie. When she asks about hombres, you say that you and María danced with the whole group at once. Todos amigos. For the first time you pretend to understand less than you do. You keep your answers vague and you can’t tell if Gabi believes you.

When Gabi finally goes back to bed, María gives you a hug and giggles, a little drunk. “Gracias,” she says.

María gets some water from the kitchen and shuts the door to her room, leaving you the last one in the living room. You turn out the light. In the dark, the angels seem to glow at you and you worry that you are doing the wrong thing. But you’ve always been loyal to friends, or mostly, never had a friend need much more than a white lie. You remember once, when you were twelve, how your friend stole a lipstick from a convenience store and you used it with her in the bathroom afterward and laughed. How when you were eight you lied and said your little brother had broken a picture frame, and your parents had known you were lying and you were in trouble for a week. How at fifteen you told a girl a friend’s secret to impress her, but that girl didn’t even seem to care. You feel bad about all these things, but also like you deserve credit for the things you have thought of and not done. The lies you haven’t told. The fun you haven’t had.

You aren’t sure why María isn’t supposed to date, and Anselmo seems nice, and she’s older than you, which means she must know what she’s doing. You touch the ceramic angel with the broken wing for good luck and feel a little better. Your superstition is getting worse.

When you stumble into the bathroom, eager to brush your teeth and fall into bed, you are startled to see a stranger’s face in the mirror, a girl covered with black eyeliner and sweat. You aren’t sure how to get the makeup off.

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